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Thanksgiving

2011-12-28T09:16:00.004+08:00

It is a little late for posting but here is the turkey we had for Thanksgiving. It weighed around 22 pounds! That is almost 10 kilos! Just imagine how heavy it was! Happily, 9 people shared in eating half of it and the rest were eaten by us for the next 3 days!

I heard so much about how people eat too much on Thanksgiving. Maybe it was just our group but I think we showed some moderation and just ate a little more than usual.

What I enjoyed most this day was the time each one spoke about what they are thankful for. Thanks to the idea brought up by a little sweet boy! For this year, I am so thankful for my husband and his loving family and friends. And of course, so much grateful to God for all His blessings!

Driving

2011-12-22T10:55:00.001+08:00

I have been practicing how to drive the past few months. It's fun and frightening at the same time. I remember the first time when my husband brought me to a university parking lot on a Saturday afternoon. There were no cars so it was safe (for others!) while I tried to figure out once again the lessons I learned from the driving school. I made left turns, right turns, while making sure I did the correct turn signal. The next time, we went to the empty Miller Park (before the baseball game began!). I was able to practice driving at 25 miles/hour. For a newbie like me, that was terrifying! I could feel the motor revving up and it made me feel shaky.

Then, we started driving on the road. And practiced doing the Y-turn, the parallel parking, backing up, and of course, the normal parking.

These days, 25 miles/hr is normal for me. When I an supposed to do 50 mi/hr then I get shaky. Twice, I was allowed to drive for a mile on the freeway which required 65 mi/hr. That distance was sufficient for me!

I am still learning how to correctly change lanes. This one is never easy because you have to consider other drivers' speed, direction and distance from you. You also cannot slow down because the car coming behind might hit you.

Driving is one of those things I wanted to learn as part of my bucket list. This time, though, I really have to know how to do it. There is no way for me to go around on my own unless I drive myself. Amazing how things turn out.

Omnium-Gatherum (various 2011-01)

2011-11-01T14:51:00.000+08:00

So here it is, one of my meanderings. I want to write something each day, especially the first time experiences but somehow I can’t put them into pretty words. But who said that they should be pretty?

It is 16° C and I am very happy. It was 7° C yesterday and I was a bit chilly. Even with a heater, there are certain moments that I was really cold because I had to wait for it to automatically turn on when it senses that the temperature inside is going down. So there I was, with 4 layers of clothes, socks and a pair of soft, warm fluffy slippers cum shoes.

I think that if I were not basically an introvert person, I would be really lonely here. As it is, I can find things to entertain myself. Like what I wrote before, learning how to cook and bake. I can easily borrow books and movies from the library but then, I have come to dread the 20-minute walk. Not because of the distance but because of the weather. Anyway, there are still some interesting shows on the television. I only wish that there are not too many live jury and reality shows. I can’t bear those. Why would anyone want their private lives to be known publicly?

We went shoe hunting last Friday. Just getting prepared for the cold winter. I am amazed though how sales are being done here. The products are already on sale but you get an extra 30% off. After all the discounts, a pair of shoes would cost $20 instead of the original $60. And so I wonder how companies are earning. Hmmm… but since products are mostly from China, the original price could very well be $5. And there goes the profit. Just thinking…

I was raking leaves a few days ago. I never thought I would do that one day. But there I was, making 5 piles of dry leaves. There is some satisfaction from doing some hard labor (hard? Hahaha).

A friend brought me to the Mitchell Park Conservatory (The Domes). Three domes, each with a specific theme : a tropical jungle, a desert oasis and floral gardens. It was lovely to see familiar plants from Manila. I loved best the floral gardens. Here are some pictures:

Another journey

2011-10-17T13:50:00.000+08:00

A little more than three months have passed and yet, a lot has changed when I embarked on the 2^nd most important adventure of my life (the first was when I gave my life to Christ). I now have to think in miles and Fahrenheit. I check the hourly changes in temperature each day. I wear more layers of clothes compared to some people around me because I am not yet used to the cold. I sometimes forget to get the change from the coin dispenser because I didn’t know that such a thing existed before. I am learning how to bake and cook healthy meals as I wait for the washer and dryer to make a sound to signal that it is time to get the clothes. I now bear a different surname and speak a language that is not completely my own. And, of course, I hold the hand of my wonderful husband every time we pray together.

The steps that led me to this path were not easy. Doubts and fears assailed me as I constantly conversed with God. Back then, the idea of leaving everything that I had known all my life was somehow unthinkable. Thinking about what challenges I would need to face was sometimes too frightening that I had to stop and just ask God again and again if I was hearing Him right.

We do know that people have taken their bags and left what they call home to pursue dreams and follow their hearts. I did the second.

I am still amazed sometimes that I am here, living with my husband, being loved and loving in return. In the beginning, I often asked him if I was really here and that I was not dreaming. These days though, we are finding it hard to imagine what it was like when we were not together.

And for all these, I have God to thank for. I know that it is a miracle how He orchestrated everything and He let everything fall into place.

As I continue this adventure I have taken, I hope to put into words the things I am discovering and learning. Like seeing fall colors for the first time. Or relearning how to bike. Or just savoring the joy of cooking.

Little things matter

2011-04-14T13:54:00.001+08:00

Whenever I am asked what my purpose is here on earth or what I want to do, I have a standard reply: to make a difference in people’s lives (aside from loving God). In any way possible. Often though, I wonder if I am able to do that. Compared to what so many famous and rich people are doing, what I am able to do seems paltry. Think about the amount of money Bill Gates and Warren Buffet donate to charity. How about when Oprah gave away houses, cars, and scholarships? Or when an organization feeds hundreds of hungry people or sends poor kids to school?

I know though that little things matter. Even by just forwarding a website. Or giving a book.

I was reminded by this when a friend told me how the book (Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson) I wrote about in this blog helped invigorate God’s vision for her life. She shared the content in her mission trip to Indonesia. One of the attendees heard it and felt it was a confirmation of a call from God. He joined a mercy ship.

A book (The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson) I gave to this same friend fell into the hands of her brother. His dreams were reawakened. He decided to shift his career direction and is now going through training to pursue his dreams in computer art.

In our quest for healthy activities, a friend and I attended a yoga class. I felt it wasn’t right so I researched for a Christian alternative. I forwarded the website (www.praisemoves.com) to my friend and her interest was piqued. She bought videos and books. To make the long story short, she is now the first certified Praisemoves instructor here in the Philippines.

I emphasize that what I did was very simple. God anointed the authors of the books and the creator of the new exercise. My friends and those connected to them were already seeking God’s direction and were ready to listen. I know that God could and would have still used various means to speak to them. I am just glad that I somehow played a very small role. Just goes to show that everything we do for God has meaning. Even just by passing information.

Just a piece in the Story

2011-03-31T17:34:00.001+08:00

This month will go down in history for the devastating quake and tsunami in Japan as well as the political upheavals in the Middle East. These events were and are subject of many news reports and conversations. We read about miraculous survivals from the deluge of seawater, the sacrificial work of employees as they try to fix the nuclear plants, and about the fortitude and calm reaction of the Japanese people. In another part of the world, we hear about the devastating effects of the push-pull movements between government and rebel groups as each try to gain and extend their control on territories. We still do not know what would be the end result of such big stories that would someday be turned into novels and even movies.

All these makes me wonder sometimes what is the place of my tiny, little story in a world that seems to be going through the birth pains of what many say is the beginning of its ending. Concerns about my shoulder spasm, career direction and personal status may seem like irrelevant compared to a nation who lost so much including the life of thousands of people, or to battles for ideologies related to democracy and individual rights.

Yet, I know that God is concerned about my personal story. How?

From Bible stories. Jesus took time to talk to a Samaritan woman, who wrongfully lived with five men, so that she would receive the Living water. He called on to Zacchaeus and visited his house so that this tax collector could repent and give back what he took. Jesus personally spoke to Saul for him to change from the wrong path to the True Way to follow God.

From stories of people I know. Friends who were finally healed from common and dreaded diseases. Women whose wombs were opened. Stories about hearts and lives who were transformed because of the saving grace of Christ. And most especially, the life testimonies of those who remained faithful even though they cannot see or have not received yet the promises given to them.

From the storytelling of nature and animal kingdom. Each time the sun gloriously shows its color while it sets. Through the wonders of color and movement of creatures under the sea. When I see the ever changing shapes and arrangement of clouds in the sky. Whenever a cat purrs and stretches out its furry and flexible body. When I hear the melodious chirping of birds.

I know that there is one great story unfolding. It is the story of God and His love for humanity. But like any completed puzzle, each piece is still important to the Maker. Thus, I know that my little story matter to Christ. I should not hesitate to come to Him with my requests because I know He is listening and He cares. What I need to do is to wait, have faith, and most importantly, live out my story. Because He is weaving it. A story of love, forgiveness, grace and victory.

Journey of a young adult (2011 Learning series)

2011-02-11T13:23:00.001+08:00

During my teen-age years in the youth ministry, I had some opportunities to interact with members of the young adults ministry. I got this impression that they are mature, spiritually, emotionally, etc.. To me, many appeared to be accomplished, confident, and they seemed to know what they want in life or where they are headed. I wished then that I would soon grow up so that I would be like them, sure of many things in life.

Fast forward to today and I can only smile while I remember that not-so-wrong-yet-not-completely-right premise. I should have verbalized my thoughts then to some of the young adults I considered as a big brother or sister. They would have explained to me the real deal.

Why? Because being a young adult right now, I have a fair idea of where they were then.

Am I mature? In some aspects, yes but in many ways, no. Compared to a teen-ager who has not seen and experienced much of life, I might seem very mature. But as the years go by and as I go through different stages in life, I encounter new challenges. My reactions and response would sometimes be so immature I could only try to hide what I have done, even from myself. Experience, mine or that of other people, has taught me to be wise about my choices and to weigh everything from the eternal perspective.

Am I confident? More and more, only because I am learning to whom I should I put my confidence into. Otherwise, I would just be another insecure and afraid soul lost in a world that is full of people who have the external packaging of oozing confidence but are surely fighting their own battles of self doubt. There are days though when I falter, unsure of what step to take, especially if your heart and mind are clouded.

Do I know what I want out of life or where I am headed? In many ways, I am still that same girl who doesn’t know where she should go. However, God, life and people have tutored me well to put my trust in God, seek His will and act on what I think is best in whatever circumstance I am in. I wish making choices has become easier. But then, as a friend rightfully reminded me, if it happens, then it is God’s will, if not, then it is not.

My journey as a young adult is not yet over. There are hurdles to overcome, crossroads to walk through, fears to conquer but victories to celebrate and joys to cherish. Life does not end there though. There would other stages to go through if God would allow it to be so : to be a wife, a mother, a grandmother, etc. Interspersed into these would be friendship, career and ministry. Above all these, I am glad to know that there is my Father who sees the big picture and holds my hand.

Local Christmas

2010-12-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

Whenever I leave Manila during Christmas time, part of me does not want to go. Though this season brings a negative side, I remember the good things.

Gifts to open as early as December 1 if your company party falls on that day. Various savory foods to try because friends and family would utilize their culinary skills. Or enjoy the tasty meals offered by restaurants since the bosses or the company foots the bill.

What I delight in are reunions. People you have not seen for a long time would suddenly appear during get- togethers. The fellowship time during meal times is immensely filling, emotionally.

Then there is the joy of giving and receiving. I usually make a list of the people I want to bless and appreciate. Often, it can be challenging how you try to budget your resources and still make someone smile. The other side? I get suprised when someone hands me a gift since I often do not think that I would get something.

I will definitely not miss the daunting traffic, the crowd that fill many public spaces and the pollution that firecrackers bring (for New Year).

This year though, I will miss the people and celebrations. But then, one can be anywhere in the world and enjoy this important season. Just remember the reason we are celebrating and be with people you care for.

Merry Christmas! :)

Surreal yet real

2010-12-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

The past week was partly surreal for me. The things I have been doing were so unlike of me. Joining a retreat even if I did not know anyone. Posed some probing questions to people I just met like my seatmate on the bus and my groupmates (on the first hour!). Asking a guy to have his picture taken with us because my groupmate likes him. Requesting the event photographer to take our group picture even if I do not know him. And etc etc.

On the other hand, I found something real. Apart from the spiritual renewal, what I like next about this retreat was that I met new friends. It was a prayer that I uttered to God in the past few months because I felt I needed new kindred souls. So I was happily surprised to receive a gift I did not expect to find.

I do not know if i would be able to completely write about what I have learned ove the week-end. I may not find the right words or sufficient time to write. For now, I would like to savor the reality that there are no accidents with God. And that He can orchestrate big and small incidents so that His purpose would be realized.

Being one with God

2010-12-02T22:25:00.000+08:00

I do not really know what I was expecting when I joined the retreat. When asked directly by the facilitator, as part of the introductory questions during the first group session, I replied that I want to meet with God. It is not like I ran away from Him or that I got lost. It just that I wanted to have more of His peace and to lay down questions on His feet, hoping to find answers in return.

The past year has been filled with various transitions in several aspects of my life. The uncertainty in many things left me wondering which direction to take. Often, I just wanted to hear an audible voice from God so that I do not need to make any choice or so that my heart would settle down for knowinh what to expect. But of course, life does not happen this way. Most of the time, we find ourselves taking a step of faith. If we make a mistake, we take a step back then head towards a new direction.

Did I hear an audible voice on what to do? Yes and no. No, because God is still teaching me to wait for His revelations at His perfect timing. A day by day journey. Yes, because through His words and the messages of Godly people, I knew He is directing me to take a specific choice.

The year ends with at least one certainty. I know where to go back to when I return from my vacation. For that, I am thankful and at peace.

Just Praise Him

2010-11-28T19:49:00.002+08:00

As we were told to break out from the group and spend some quiet time alone, I wondered what should be the things to pray for. I did come here to ask God for answers and revelations.

When I checked a message that just came in my phone, I read a forwarded Bible verse. Colossians 2:1-2 says "You have been raised to life with Christ. Now SET YOUR HEART on what is in heaven, where CHRIST RULES at God's right side. THINK ABOUT WHAT IS UP THERE, not about what is here on earth.

The assigned Scripture passages for the day were from Psalms 146-150 (www.fromgardentocity.com). These all talked about praising God.

So thus, I was reminded not to concern myself with the cares of the world. At least, not right now. Instead, let myself focus on God and praise Him for everything. Because of His attributes, His love, His creation, His being awesome and for His majesty.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that it is not about me. It is all about You. Praise be Your name!

Being courageous

2010-11-28T19:48:00.002+08:00

If signing up to attend a retreat without confirming if anyone I know is coming means courage then I guess I have that. At least that is how a friend described my decision to join. I just felt that I needed to spend time away from many things and be with God.

The reality of my decision dawned on me when I arrived at the assembly area and saw almost a thousand participants and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. But I found myself smiling and amused with the adventure I got myself into once again. My rationalization? I wanted an encounter with God and thus, it does not matter if I am a stranger to everyone.

God, in His goodness, allowed me to get a seat beside someone who was also on her own. 2 minutes later, we were talking and laughing. And throughout the first day, I saw 3 other people I know. By then, I was already at home with my assigned groupmates.

I have always considered myself as shy around many people. I guess though that I have grown a lot since those days when I would just remain in my quiet corner. Or maybe, I just felt at home with fellow believers who gathered together to be one with God.

Being courageous takes time and learning. I know that I am still growing. I am joyful and grateful though for the little victories I am experiencing.

Omnium-Gatherum (Random Thoughts 12)

2010-11-26T11:53:00.001+08:00

23. Just 23. Compare that with 46, 49, 80, 170 and 139, then the mixture of these two numbers seems paltry. What does 23 mean? The number of articles or entries I did for 2010. And that makes me a bit sad, realizing that I haven’t written that much this year. I know that I blog partly because I want to practice writing but another reason is it helps me remember good things that happened in my life.

O well. I do have a reason. 2010 brought about shoulder pains that hindered me from using the computer at home. Why? Because I wrote too much in 2008 and 2009 (170 and 139 entries, respectively). Which explains the pains.

= = =

I read yesterday that the rains would continue on until May of 2011. Because of the La Niña phenomenon. So what happens to our summer then? Will we miss the heat that begins mid-March and continues on till late May? Probably not. But then, there wouldn’t be reason enough to enjoy the beaches and sea breezes. I remembered the people who got affected by Ondoy and realized what they must be feeling. Nervous whenever there is a hint of flooding. I would feel the same.

= = =

Piolo Pascual officially opened the Christmas season in the Ayala malls two weeks ago. Together with Agot Isidro, they sang various Christmas melodies. Yeah, it was kinda early to a lot of people’s standards but here in the Philippines, it is just normal. We do have the longest Christmas season in the whole world. Christmas songs would start playing on the 1^st of September. Recently, Halloween decors began sharing space with Christmas ornaments and trees.

I often feel the Christmas season when I sense the cooling of air, when the traffic worsens and when I see Christmas lights and poinsettia flowers all over the Ayala streets. December will begin next week. The get-together and eating will also commence!

= = =

The last three evening had been a bit tiring as I packed and unpacked my father’s bags. Trying to make sure that the suitcases won’t go beyond the allowed weight. Checking if the bottles are well-protected, the medicine well-packed and the space rightly utilized.

Interesting what a visiting Filipino has in his bags when he goes back abroad. Dried herbs, fish and squid. Favorite soap brands. Carica Virgin coconut oil and toothpaste. Chinese medicine. Goldilocks polvoron, chocnut, Mulach ensamada, boy bawang and of course, the Magic Sing. Don’t’ forget the delicious dried mangoes and tamarind candies! Only the Filipinos! We are so unique!

Owning Thanksgiving Day

2010-11-25T14:37:00.001+08:00

I greeted several friends in the States a Happy Thanksgiving Day. I know from history that it is being celebrated every fourth Thursday of the month of November and that it started from the time the Pilgrims from England, settled in America, and were thankful for their first bountiful harvest. I’ve read and watched on TV and movies about preparations and eating of turkey, sidings, desserts and most importantly, the gathering together of families.

Considering the many challenges the U.S. had, is having and will face in the future, I know that many of my friends in the States, of whatever nationality or origin, are celebrating this day for what it is : to be thankful. And even though I know that it is not my event to celebrate, I am taking this time also to be thankful. Lord, thank you for :

- the protection You hedge around me and my loved ones as we face each day of uncertainty

- the provision of our needs and for lavishing us with our wants

- the wisdom to decide on what to say, to think, to feel and to do

- the limbs that allow me to write, eat, walk, run, stand, dance, jump, etc.

- the ability to understand and have compassion for the weak and the needy

- the blessings so that I can bless those who are lacking

- the faith to trust in You and believe always that You are in control

- the heart that can be sensitive to Your moving and direction

- many friends who are journeying with me as I travel through life

- my family who loves me and care about me

- my job so that I could exercise the skills You gave me and receive compensation for it

- the beautiful earth, every sunset and sunrise, the refreshing water, colorful fishes and graceful mountains

- learnings, experiences and even trials that enrich my life and matures my faith

- the forgiveness of my sins and the grace to love me continuously

- unexpected gifts and surprises

- my health, delicious food and tasty fruits

- technology that makes distance shorter and communication better

- books that teach my mind and heart to believe, trust and dream

The list would be too long if I jot down all the things I am thankful for. Surely, God knows what is in my heart and what I want to thank Him for. I know that it is important to do this because we can always take for granted the blessings that we receive and forget to be grateful.

Dear Lord, help me to always have a thankful heart. For the pain and pleasure. For the lack and the blessings. For the correction and affirmation. For everything. Thank you.

Love for learning

2010-10-19T18:29:00.001+08:00

I love reading. I remember that I spent most of my college days inside the library. Many would think it a boring life but I had a blast while I saw the world through the eyes of writers. Through those stories I have read, I saw and “experienced” a world of adventure, knowledge, discoveries and dreams. I cried, laughed, loved, dreamt, planned, prayed, and many more with the characters. There was joy in reading and then later on, seeing, visiting and experiencing those places.

Through the years, I have come to the conclusion that a love for reading meant a wider perspective and a teachable mind. I believed it to be so because I see it in my life (I hope that it is true!). Recently though, I have come to a better conclusion when I connected the dots that should have been obvious to me : we have different learning styles and there are different mediums to pass on information. The conclusion? There should be a love for learning. Through reading, listening, interacting, touching, observing, etc.

I hope I will always have that… the love for learning!

Mangoes and surprises

2010-10-15T10:51:00.001+08:00

Our country is famous for our delicious ripe mangoes.

I love eating this sweet and juicy tropical fruit. As part of breakfast, combining it with salad or pasta, as an afternoon snack, a dessert delight after a sumptuous dinner or to assuage midnight pangs.

At the other side of the spectrum is the green mango. Still very firm, light green in color on the inside, very sour with just a hint of its budding sweetness. I like it better when it is transformed into a sweet-sour fruit shake.

Which one do I like better? The ripe, yellow kind or the sour, green one? It depends on what I am looking for.

Sometimes though, eating ripe mangoes can surprise you. It can look very ripe and yellow, yet when you eat it, you will find a sour taste inside. Mainly because it was forced to ripen early. But then, who is to say that the initial sourness you tasted is not good? One has to appreciate it because it contrasts with the sweetness that you could find as you bite more into the inside. For the sweet taste might just be hiding inside. And also, there is that promise that the next mango you get has attained that sweetness that you are yearning for.

But with the sour, green one, you are fairly certain what to expect and it is what you get.

Life is like eating mangoes. You really do not know what you will encounter. You just have to trust that somehow, whatever you find inside would be delicious. Sometimes, the outside would be a bit sour and it becomes sweeter as you bite more into the inside.

Unless you just remain safe and satisfy yourself with the sour one.

Time does not heal

2010-09-09T18:00:00.001+08:00

We’ve heard of the old adage : Time heals. I learned though (thanks to Boundless!) that it is not true. It is not time which heals us. It is God. We have heard of many stories wherein decades would pass by yet a hurt person would not be able to forgive another person or even himself/herself.

And thus, I do agree. Time does not heal. God, who controls everything including time, is the only one who could. But for God to heal us, we too need to give up the pain and more so, the pride that is in our hearts when we feel we were wrongfully hurt.

I have learned to forgive others and myself. True, through the passage of time. Only because each day that I live life, God is teaching me and showing me His perspective. Many times when we are too deep in a situation, we do not see the big picture. We are not rational. As days, months and years go by, we then see the past objectively. Only then would we see that it is easier to forgive… and forget. For in the context of eternity, nothing else matters except if we loved God and loved our neighbors.

Thankful that God created time. Most importantly, that He could heal pain. Any pain.

Err in assumptions

2010-08-30T23:46:00.001+08:00

The verb form of the word says it all : to assume. We make assumptions based on perceived meaning of each word, action, facial expression, tone of voice, and physical appearance. Unfortunately, we make these based on our past experiences, background, educational attainment, interaction with people and personal dreams. And because of this, we err. Why?Because they, too, come with different and varrying experiences and backgrounds.

What was meant as friendship could be mistaken as courtship. Words of concern could be considered as meddling. Expressions of dissatisfaction could be just a sign for more learning. Or for all these, it could be the other way around.

My experiences have brought me face to face with both kinds. When good intentions were looked upon suspiciously. And when attempts to correct a mistake not taken seriously. I try not to fall into the habit of making assumptions and instead look at everything positively. A Herculean task, it's true but we still try.

Someday, I might just succeed.

Two faceted change

2010-08-29T23:28:00.001+08:00

Change is constant. There is no use trying to stop it from happening. It would be like pushing yourself against the strength of a powerful tide.

I like change. Often I crave it. There is beauty in seeing new things happening in our life. For together with change, there is learning. We are pushed to go beyond what we have known. We get to see and experience the "new."

Yet, the other side of change also bring sadness. We long for the days we have enjoyed, the friendships which flourished, the past which could never be again.

So we learn to accept the bitter-sweet change. Hoping that the next one to come would alleviate the longings and even make your life richer than before.

Books that speak to me

2010-08-08T17:07:00.001+08:00

The books in my room somehow reflect the things that I am dealing with right now.

The Me I want to be - John Ortberg

Infinite Impact - Stu Weber

Imagine your life without fear - Max Lucado

Keep a quiet heart - Elisabeth Elliot

My dream map - John C. Maxwell

The DNA of faith - H. Maurice Lednicky

A Million miles in a Thousand Years - Donald Miller

The last one has been haunting me the past few weeks. It talks about living a story worth telling. And I do want to do just that though I do not know where to start. And that is where Elisabeth Elliot has been been helping. Her words remind me that I need to be still and just wait upon the Lord. Often It is not easy. We often want to just jump into action and do the first thing that comes into mind. For what could be wrong with that if our objective is to honor God? A lot. If God wants us to remain quiet in His presence and wait for His direction. Especially if He wants you to just spend time knowing Him and loving Him.

So here I am, trying to be patient. Letting Him speak to me from His great book and other anointed people's books.

A catty night

2010-08-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

I paid for the ticket many months ago. I considered it as my birthday gift to myself. It did not come cheap. But famous musicals are not so common here. I thought it a good investment.

And it was. I totally enjoyed the show. Part of it, I believe, is because I am a catlover. It was marvelous to see the cat-like graceful movements that the dancers recreated. From the twitching of the nose, to the brushing of the paws against the cheek, to the twitching of the whole feline body. They all reflected the movements that my cats make every single day. Even the distracting activity that the actors did at the side stage was reminiscent of the playful antics of my pets.

Some people I know have declared their dislike of cats. They do have a point. Man is the master when it comes to dogs but cats? They are the king and queen of any humble abode or kingdom here on earth. Still, there is something endearing about them as they brush against your leg, or when they settle in your lap to purr and sleep.

Lovely show, beautiful voices, great set. Of course it is not perfect but it was a night I immensely enjoyed.

An except of a lovely song which reminded that we could always look something forward to because there is a tomorrow.

Daylight

I must wait for the sunrise

I must think of a new life

And I musn't give in

When the dawn comes

Tonight will be a memory too

And a new day will begin

Shoe Transitions

2010-08-07T22:04:00.002+08:00

One of the things I listed as a goal to do this year is to wear normal shoes. Sounds weird? Is there such a thing as abnormal shoes? For more than 10 years now, I have been wearing boots. Day in, day out. Rain or shine. For local or overseas trips. I made a few concessions, like rubber shoes when I go to the gym. The farthest I could do was to wear glittery and flat sandals for a few hours when there is a formal affair I have to go to. And when I do this, I make sure that I have a ride to and from the event place.

Friends have tried to convince me that it is okay start wearing “normal shoes” again. It was not easy to do though. I have to consider the dangers lurking around that may bring about a little accident or pain. I do battle everyday to get a ride inside a bus. So for safety reasons, I chose to have a boring shoe life. Practical reasons though are cramping my style. It has become difficult to find good shoemakers. The last time I tried, I had it remade 3 times.

Thus, the goal for this year. Nope, I haven’t totally succumbed to my desire to be normal again. Unfortunately, my feet have become uncooperative. They have become sensitive to discomforts that come from shoes. So I compromised. I am wearing sneakers to the office. That is why I hide my feet under my chair whenever the bosss comes to my office.

Independence day

2010-07-14T18:23:00.000+08:00

July 14 will always have a special meaning for me. Not because it is the independence day of France. Somehow, absurdly, a lot of things had happened to me on this day. Especially the last two years.

So once again, I look back and enjoy this day. I am remembering God's faithfulness and control over my life.

Happy independence day!

Half over

2010-07-04T18:14:00.000+08:00

Where did the past 6 months go? It flew so fast that I do not know anymore what happened. All I remember now is that I couldn't wait for 2009 to be over. And here we are, 2010 half gone.

I finished my thesis, defended, revised and bounded 5 copies of it. I graduated. I been to France twice in two months, visited Amsterdam and Berlin. I struggled with the preparations for an office audit and got through that two difficult days of speaking in a foreign language. It did not end in flying colors but it was well enough considering that we still need to do many improvements. I started learning about financial planning and got certified as an associate financial planner. And now, I am trying to learn how to write better.

A lot has happened. Yet, it feels like my life is at a standstill, waiting for something to happen, yet not knowing what I am waiting for. I know though that God is teaching me to wait for His direction. Not an easy thing to do. For the meantime, I repeat to myself all day what I have learned to be the most important thing I should always do : Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength.

Cooking again

2010-06-13T15:53:00.000+08:00

I haven't done any serious cooking for the last 3 years. Nothing beyond reheating left-over food or boiling an egg. I've good reasons and I will not delve into that but instead would just document my attempt to cook again.

My first step? Call my sister-in-law to ask.... how do I cook an adobo? :) So off she went and enumerated the ingredients and the steps. The cooking went quickly. So there I was, taking a breather after cooking my chicken adobo. My brother calls to ask why I called his cellphone and I recounted the story. He repeated the instructions. I quickly cut him off to say good-bye. And ran to the kitchen to add the oregano leaves. Whew!

The other experiment I did was buttered chicken. (Isn't it obvious that I love chicken?:)) The secret? A Thai mix I just bought from the grocery. Unfortunately, I forgot the required yogurt. So there, I have a soupy instead of a thick sauce (I used liquid milk). It tasted delicious though.

A good first attempt. I still have next week-end to do another experiment. That is, if I did my first cooking well and not die of food-poisoning. :)

Disclaimer : blurred image... I couldn't find the camera flash of my cellphone. This is about cooking and not photography! :)

Stretching me

2010-06-12T06:56:00.002+08:00

“I didn’t sign up for this!” This was my complaint during the audit. There were so many things brought up that were not mentioned when the responsibility was given to me. I felt overwhelmed.

Reading through the Bible and some of the personal reflections of some people inwww.fromgardentocity.com, I saw a different perspective. Through the many months of learning this new responsibility, I realized that God has been stretching me. He is giving me greater tolerance for people who are difficult to work with. He is strengthening my emotional stability when facing struggles. He is making me more confident in dealing with people. He is making me more observant so that the wrong procedures and practices could be corrected and improved. And finally, He is making me more proactive so that I would find solutions instead of faults.

I wouldn’t volunteer to do what was given to me. Thank God that the decision was not given to me. Thank God that I have become dependent on Him and not on myself. Because I definitely don’t feel able to do what was expected of me.

God stretches us. Our abilities, our emotions, our talents and skills, and most importantly, our faith in Him.

* image from http://helixwellness.blogspot.com/

What to do?

2010-06-04T04:44:00.000+08:00

I was naive.

I thought that by finishing school I would have a lot of idle on time on my hands. Okay, I do not want to complain. I am grateful that I graduated. But suddenly, I realized that there are so many things I want to do. Read more than a dozen books that piled up inside my room. Watch more than fifty movies that I never had the time to see. And some more are added each week as new movies are released. I want to blog about my trips early this year and what I went through in the past few months.

There are seminars to go to so that I could learn more. Art exhibits to see so that I could appreciate art more. There are personal research and planning that must be done for the future.

And of course, there's work. Very important. And then, there's the ministry, too. Time to pray, read the Bible, fellowship with other people.

So many things to do and so little time.

Should not have

2010-05-16T20:30:00.002+08:00

Too late.

I shouldn't have.

Put people on a pedestal.

I should have remembered

We are all the same.

I am human.

Weak and frail.

Natural to fall into sin.

The same as everyone.

I forgot.

So I get disappointed.

I become disillusioned.

Too late.

I should only look to God.

And be forgiving.

So that I too could be forgiven.

Again and again.

Remember the lesson.

Do not forget ever.

Humans err.

God is loving and forgiving.

A vote for our future

2010-05-11T05:24:00.000+08:00

I casted my vote today. After six long years, I was once again asked to choose whom to trust. It was a difficult decision. Up until last night, I struggled between two candidates for the presidential position. They both seem worthy of my trust. They have performed well in the past.

The counting of the ballots started already. I have to admit that I am nervous. Among the top contenders for the presidential position, I only pray that two people would not win.

It seems so small... my one vote. But I know that together we would be putting someone who would lead us in the future.

The Lord's will be done.

Like Joshua

2010-04-28T21:56:00.001+08:00

It's the name of my brother. The name of a friend. The name of a friend's son. Somehow though, I never fully appreciated the original Joshua.

Together with many other readers of the 1 year Bible plan (www.fromgardentocity.com), I just finished the last chapter of this book in the Bible. And thankful for it.

His was a great life. Because he chose to follow the God of his predecessor (Moses). Though he had so many challenges (what with the complaints and disobedience of the Israelites!), he led the people through the many miracles God blessed them with. There's the fall of walls of Jericho. The defeat of other nations. The sun that did not set while he held his hands up. The parting of the sea while the people crossed. The reason for this great blessing? He heeded the commandments of God. He was courageous. He was strong in the Lord.

In the last chapter, he asked the people to make a choice. To serve other gods or to serve the only true God.

I choose to follow the true and living God. Like Joshua.

Celebrating in heaven

2010-04-25T19:16:00.000+08:00

I heard her name mentioned but it didn't register anything in my mind. Part of me, I think couldn't quite believe it. So I analyzed again the words I heard and when I realized what I was hearing, I was shocked.

Ate (big sister) Corly died last week. She was part of our young adults ministry in church. She was 52 when she went back to God. Quite young to our earthly standards.

I felt sad to hear the news and got teary eyed when we went to her wake this afternoon. I was not as close to her as others were, mainly because of age. And also because we didn't spend too much time together. But I've always liked her. Because of her sweet countenance, her smiling face and her helping hands. She often has a appreciative word directed to anyone.

I know though that we are assured that she is in heaven. Celebrating with God and finally healed and free of any pains. From her life, I have learned certain things. I would want to be remembered as she had been remembered. And to have her happy disposition and forgiving heart.

Bye ate Corly. I know we will see you again someday. We will celebrate then.

Smiling through my tears

2010-04-24T23:26:00.001+08:00

For the first in many years, if not the first time ever, I found myself crying and smiling at the same time. Maybe it was because of the blessings in my life these days. Maybe it was because I have gained a better perspective of the world as I invested more time in reading God’s words. Maybe it was because I was feeling better physically today. Or a mixture of all these things.

As I read the message and looked at the pictures sent by a friend, as I experienced joy for her joy, I suddenly felt this happiness and peace that everything would be well. My lips widened into a smile, my eyes became teary eyed and I said with conviction to myself, “God, You are truly in control.”

How could I have doubted it? How could I have worried and feared about the future? When I should know in my heart and mind that I have a Father who already sees the life ahead of me. Good and bad things happen to us. People enter into or depart from our lives. In each situation, we should remember that we do not see yet the ending. We do not see the whole picture.

I want to capture this moment as I smile through my tears. Even though words cannot describe what I am feeling.

So that I will remember.

He is in control.

Back to the present

2010-04-02T06:29:00.000+08:00

It feels like I haven't written for a year. It hasn't been that long but with all the thoughts turning in my head and words I wanted to write, it felt like that.

Two trips a month apart, preparations and finally transferring to a new place, finishing touches on my thesis, procedural requirements to finish school, short and long-term projects at work. These made my life a little crazier than usual for the last 3 months.

And here I am. Installed in our new home. Finally blogging even though I should be organizing boxes of the years gone by. Stopping myself from venturing too much into my past for I might just find myself shedding some more tears. Forcing myself to let go of so many documents and objects so that there would be space for new things to come in. Still finding it hard to throw away bus tickets, restaurant bills, boarding passes, songbooks, big shirts, etc. Because they still bring to mind sentimental thoughts and memories.

I am thankful though. For those people who helped me get through the past 3 months. My family and relatives, my friends and certain colleagues at work. And especially to God. For He sustained me. He strengthened me.

So here I am again.

Writing.

* picture from www.moneta.com.au

Writing

2010-02-11T05:30:00.000+08:00

I was hoping the new year would bring me many writing moments. The few articles I posted testify to this unrealized hope.

Thoughts in my head.

How do I write them down considering that I cannot pin down the swirling thoughts? I should remind myself that writing helps stabilize my beliefs and cast away my doubts. The written word somehow concretizes what I should remember: that I can trust God, that I should doubt my doubts but never doubt God.

I should write everyday.

Linking above

2010-01-31T23:02:00.004+08:00

Each year must begin with a time of prayer and fasting. To seek forgiveness for past sins. To allow God to purify the heart. To ask for God’s direction.

= = =

The week-long prayer and fasting was helpful. It is the only way to start the year right.

= = =

One of the disciplines in my faith walk that I found difficult to learn is prayer.

When I was younger, I’ve had moments when I would fall asleep while a passionate soul would pray for more than 10 minutes. I have to confess that I sometimes felt like banging my head against the wall (or table) because I couldn’t bear the long wait. I felt guilty for not being faithful enough to muster the required attention. I felt inadequate that I could not pray as long as the others nor be as eloquent as they could.

= = =

In my interaction with other believers and groups, I have learned to appreciate an intimate conversational style of prayer. To pair up with one person (or 2) and each one would utter a few sentences of prayer. In fact, it is more like a ping-pong style of prayer. Back and forth, back and forth, until we have mentioned all the items to be prayed for. I can concentrate and agree on whatever the other person would say. This also allows me to remember the things that have been prayed for and just focus my thoughts on the next topic to be lifted to God. The intimate setting allows me to be open to say what God is leading me to say. And most importantly, I am still awake at the end of the prayer time.

= = =

My personal style of prayer is simple. I just talk to God whatever comes to my head. I say simple words. I sometimes forget the words I would like to say and even things I wanted to pray for. So I just pray whenever I remember something I need to bring to God. Any time all day.

= = =

Corporate prayer is very different, I have learned. There should be structure. There should be preparation. Our Father is a God of order. But we should also be open to the moving of the Holy Spirit as He gives us the words to utter.

= = =

It’s going to be a prayer year.

My first love

2010-01-02T22:48:00.004+08:00

I will always remember 2009 as the year I first fell in love. I wish I could say that it ended happily. It did not. Tears flowed. Hearts got hurt. Goodbyes were said.

The journey of heartache was difficult. I still wish that it didn’t have to happen but I now value what the experience taught me. Truly, there is no greater learning than that which we go through ourselves. It is more real and the lessons learned would remain unforgotten.

I came face to face with my tendency to seek validation from another person. It was completely wrong. I should only seek this from God. And so I learned, the hard way, my real value. I matter to God. He loves me so much that He chose to die for me. He forgives me and He showers me with His mercy. There is no need to find meaning through another person’s approval, affection or devotion. I have found that in God.

My friend wisely told me that at least I now know I am capable of loving another person. Though I prayed and dreamed about having that special someone, it was often hard to imagine how it would happen. I was afraid to risk my heart and be vulnerable. I hid behind my mantra of waiting for God’s will while maintaining my distance from interactions and relationships with men. Because of what happened, I am sometimes afraid of risking my heart again. What for? For another measure of pain and tears? But I am refusing to be bowed down by my fears, imagined and real, because there is that possibility that God would allow me to find the promise He has reserved for me. And even if I do not find an earthly mate, I know that my heavenly groom awaits me.

The best insight? I got a glimpse of what God feels when we reject Him as He offers His love to us. Only now could I fully understand how I daily break His heart and the longing He feels when I disobey Him and do not love Him in return. I repeat, I got a glimpse. For the love I offered was not unconditional and selfless. His is perfect. There is no comparison. Somehow though, I can fully appreciate the extent of God’s love and grace. And be more thankful by trying to know and love Him more.

Yes, I fell in love and got my heart broken. I needed God’s refining. I had to find my meaning in Him. I needed to see and appreciate His perfect love for me. Through the months of pain, many only saw my smiling lips and cheerful face. Some probed the reason for my blooming image. They didn’t know. I was falling in love all over again. To the one who deserved to be loved first of all.

I still dream that someday God would allow me to fall in love again with the man He has chosen for me. I would be wiser then. But when I look back to 2009, I would remember how by having my heart broken, I finally found my place in God's loving embrace.

Omnium-Gatherum (Random Thoughts 11)

2009-12-29T23:40:00.001+08:00

The tightening of my pants is a witness to what I have doing in the past few weeks. Eating a lot! Since I did not spend Christmas last year here in Manila, I’ve almost forgotten how we Filipinos celebrate this wonderful season. Though my friends can’t and won’t believe me, it is true. I’ve gained some weight because of the too many pastas, chicken, chocolates, cakes, ice cream, sweet desserts and drinks that I have taken in. I plan to continue doing this in the next 3 or 4 days and then, back to normal fare. And I hope to lose all those weight I gained!

= = =

It was quite difficult to choose gifts this year. Busy schedule, Full-packed malls. Hundreds of choices. And well, limited budget too. And so, some friends I met for dinner, my treat. To many, I gave something that is completely practical and useful. To my godchildren, I included an extra item to their actual gifts… a plastic piggy bank (to encourage them to save up!). To some needy children, we gave little books about the love of God (others gave food and fun). And also food, specifically sweet yam. As a side story, I over-ordered and thus, ate a lot of sweet yam for the next five days!

= = =

It feels a bit weird to be in Manila, going to work each day whereas others seemed to be on a holiday already. It was wonderful though to leave home just 30 minutes before the start of the work day (I used to leave two hours before in order to beat the traffic!). It was fun to meet friends almost every night to celebrate, reunite (after a year!) and eat! It was tiring, of course. Especially if you sleep past midnight each night.

= = =

Thankful. That is what I feel. For the Lord’s faithfulness. For the Lord’s presence. I prayed that He would be with me this season. And He is, as He has always been with me.

Leaving home...

2009-12-28T04:30:00.000+08:00

Pastor Rodel and I were just talking about it via Facebook. He and his family wasn't able to sleep well last night because of neighbors who were so insensitive. The singing went on until 3am. And here I am, desiring to do the revisions on my thesis and I couldn't think. Why? Singing neighbors at the back of our apartment!. It almost 10pm and they are still at it. Good thing the kids playing in front of our apartment were done playing (and shouting!) volleyball.

For the past two years, we have been discussing about leaving this place. For many reasons and one of which was given above. Why are we still here? Because when there is a respite from these troubles, I forget the need to find a new place. I wish we didn't need to move. We are comfortable. Well, almost. Easy access to my office, church, shopping malls, etc. We can go home in the wee hours and still reach home safely. Good supply of water (only in the last five years, I think). No flooding. We can keep pets. No robbery (except for our mynah bird many years ago). No rental increase since we started living here.

Until 2008. Somehow, the demography has changed. The one living beside us started holding drinking bouts at our shared little entrance. The strong smell of cheap alcohol often wafted into our home. Cigarette smokes were blowing into our living room and bedrooms. It felt so uncomfortable to go in and out because they were blocking the gate. The number of kids increased in number and for the life of me, they seem to like congregating in front of our house. Sometimes, songs would suddenly play from cellphones and disturb my midnight slumber. Dogs yapping all night but were never made to stop by their owners. Every time there is a feast, a birthday, a holy week event, etc. they would set up the tent in front of our gate. The men living at the boarding house at the back of our apartment multiplied. There were more noise, more frequent visits and arrests from either the barangay tanod (village security) or the police. Then a few months ago, another floor mushroomed, effectively blocking our second floor window. Meaning? Less air and more noise. Many constructions were being done and thus, lots of sand and dust. And construction workers who huddle together and follow you with your eyes. I am not being discriminatory or paranoid. When I passed one group, I heard them suddenly talking about my dislike for cigarette smoke. How did they know? From then on, I took a different route to work.

The ceiling started leaking again. Even after I had it renovated. Yes, I had to initiate the renovations otherwise, the apartment would have crumbled over our heads (that's the reason why the rent was not increasing, I think). The cost I just deducted from the monthly rent. One reason for the renovations was to stop the rats from living inside the ceiling. But I think they have become so comfortable and strong that they were able to destroy the hurdles placed there. One even died and I could still smell it three months after (the renovations we did backfired a bit... we can't get to the dead rat!). Partly causing my asthma and allergies.

I don't want to move but the signs seem to be pointing to that. I have to admit that I am concerned about the cost and finding the right place. This is my comfort zone. Or used to be. It used to be my shelter when I feel worn out, afraid, and sad. But the "home" is now alienating us, even attacking us. I sometimes hate coming home, knowing that it is no longer my haven.

I am now praying to God to give me (or us) the courage to leave and trust that He would bring us to a better place in His time. I know there is no perfect place but somehow I think there is one out there where I could have more peace, safety, and comfort. A home. A haven for a tired soul.

Count your blessings

2009-12-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

It is not right to just write about difficult things. Especially after a short hiatus from the blogging world. Thus, I would like to reclaim this moment and declare that I hope to write good thoughts in the next few things. Before I do that, I quote here a poem written by an unknown author. Count with me, please.

Count Your Blessings

Count your blessings instead of your crosses.

Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes.

Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears.

Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean.

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth.

Love your neighbor as much as yourself.

Tomorrow

2009-12-12T23:55:00.002+08:00

It hit me hard. It hit me well. As I read the Exodus of Israelites from Egypt, I remembered God's wondrous miracles. He opened the Red Sea so that hundreds and hundreds of people could pass through dry land. He talked to Moses and allowed this chosen servant to see Him (only from the back). He clothed and fed this disobedient and grumbling people because of His great love and His promise to their forefathers. Throughout the Bible, I read stories about His faithfulness and grace.

My Father a loving God. His powers are infinite. He makes impossible things possible. He is in control.

Those who do not believe would wonder why believe in someone I cannot see. All I can give as a reply is that because He is real in my life. And I am so grateful that He chose to reveal Himself to me. For that I am so very blessed.

And so, I resist the temptation to worry. Instead, I take hold of His love and grace. He would always be there for me. He has my tomorrow in His hands.

I am learning: 2009 - A learning year

2009-12-06T23:44:00.001+08:00

When the year started, I took hold of a challenge I felt God was leading me to take and embrace the things that He would teach me. Thus, I excitedly declared it as a learning year. I didn’t realize the significance of the challenge I took. It became a year of learning in all aspects of my life: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, socially, financially and even physically.

For the past 11 months, I have written here about some of the things I had to grasp, often with open arms, sometimes reluctantly and, now and then, bowing in acceptance after a long and arduous internal struggle. If asked to identify the many things I learned this year, I would include the following: trusting people, being a Filipino, security in Christ, and the gift of a mid-course correction.

Trusting people

It takes me time to open up and trust people. This year, I allowed myself to share more of what is in me to several good-hearted people around me. I tried my best not to be held back by my fear of being judged or rejected. Truthfully, there were those who didn’t understand me or did not even attempt to see things as I saw them. But they were counterbalanced by those who opened their hearts to me and my life stories. In the process, I learned that it’s okay to say what I feel and think. The talking intensified the joys, invited helpful insights and needed prayers, helped wash away the doubts, contributed to the faster healing of my pains, and increased my faith in God and in how He would fulfill His purpose for my life.

Being a Filipino

I struggled through the writing of my final paper for a political science class not only because it was intellectually difficult but because I also had to battle through my definition of who is a Filipino. It was my journey of finding out how I saw myself as a Filipino. It was not easy to reconcile the tragic and ugly side of our story as a nation with the gifts and blessings given to us as a country and people. I realized that we are a special breed of people - a unique blend of East and West - able to adapt, mimic and then create our own from our experiences, whether painful or blissful. I learned that leaving our country is not always a betrayal of it. For in the larger perspective of God, we are part of His heavenly country. We go wherever He sends us. We are being used for His glory.

Secure in Christ

Rejection, in whatever form and for any reason, can bring about a deluge of self-doubt. Yet, it is through these experiences that we are tested on whom we base our identity and worth. This basic belief became more entrenched in my heart - I am a child of God; I matter. Otherwise, He wouldn’t have sent His Son to die for me. There would be many more challenges, more pains and more heartaches. Life won’t get any easier as the years go by. But if I know who I am and what I have in Christ, I can survive whatever life brings me. And the wonder of it all is that I will be able to see the beauty and the blessings in everything instead.

Mid-course correction

Until we reach our final Destination, our journey will continue here on earth. And it can sometimes be disheartening to have in our pockets the many inadequacies, failures and mistakes we have made along the way. I thank God for the gift of mid-course correction (from the book of the same title by Gordon MacDonald). Whatever our age, regardless of our past, God can continue to regenerate, redirect and refine our lives. The choice, again, rests with us. To choose the consequences we would have to live with, to choose Him and His direction for our lives. As we voluntarily submit to God, He will breathe fresh vitality and introduce a new adventure in our lives.

The year is ending soon and so will this little corner where I have written my realizations and thoughts. I am glad that we are still being given the chance to learn from our past so that we can be better persons in the future. As the year ends, I am praying just one thing for all of us - greater intimacy with God.

Here’s to another year of journeying with God!

Omnium-Gatherum (Random Thoughts 10)

2009-12-01T22:24:00.001+08:00

I have been out of the blogging world for the last three weeks. It took me some time to replace the laptop charger and somehow the momentum to write got a little bit lost in the process. Then, the reality of life intruded too much into my world and left me little time to reflect on what to write. It has its good side. I talked a bit too much to God. Yet, I remind myself that when I put my thoughts into words, I still speak to Him. The process of writing is a way of sifting through the things that are in my heart and mind and concretizes my faith and vision of God.

= = =

As the daily calendar on my desk became thinner each day, the passing of time became more palpable. Thus, I realized today that it’s the beginning of the end. December is here and soon we will bid goodbye to 2009. I told my closest friends that I couldn’t wait for this year to be over. In my mind, I want it to be 2010 already so that I would have a fresh beginning. The past year has brought me a lot of struggles and challenges in various aspects of my life: spiritually, intellectually, physically, emotionally and socially. I am not complaining though because my life has become richer. I do believe that I have become a better person. True, I sometimes wish that pain didn’t have to come my way but there are things that we could only learn when we experience the realities of life. The impurities in our character are winnowed out and we become better prepared for the next stage we are to face on this earth.

= = =

I received the expected criticisms. Not the commendations. What remains with me now are the praises telling me that I was courageous for taking on the challenge. A challenge that loomed over my life for the last two years. There were many times that I was prepared to give up, wanting to disregard the time, effort and resources I already gave in the past. The hurdle felt too big. But there were wonderful people pushing me to go on, to finish what I started, to strive and persevere even if there were others who seemed to be making my life a little more difficult than before. Have I finished the challenge? Not yet but almost there. I will be on the finish line soon. For now, I am relishing the surprising appreciation I received.

Food adventure

2009-11-07T07:49:00.000+08:00

I was advised by my doctor to avoid certain foods that might be causing my breathing problems. For two weeks. What are they? Dairy, tomato, chocolate, nuts, beans, alcohol and cigarettes. My heart sank when I heard the last two. Okay, that's a joke. I don't drink and I am allergic to cigarette smoke. Seriously though, I told my doctor that I love yogurt. He said that it's not dairy. Hmmm... I think he is wrong in that. My next complaint was I won't be able to eat ice cream. He suggested that I try to find non-dairy ice cream! But is there such a thing?

When I got out of his clinic, the list of food to avoid began to increase. Pizza! Pasta! Cheesecake! Okay, I can always eat oil-based pasta. I like eating chocolate but I can survive without it for two weeks. Yeah, I can do this.

And so I headed to the grocery to buy snacks for the next two weeks. Got the surprise of my life! There are so many kinds of food that have milk or chocolate in them! BIscuits, cookies, muffins, chips, etc. Choco-filled, choco-flavored, filled with choco chips, nut-filled, cheese flavored, milk-flavored filling, butter flavored, etc! I ended up buying fig-filled cookies, malunggay flavored chips (I still have to try and see if it would even taste good!), salted and vinegar flavored chips.

The challenge was brought to the next level when I tried to look for something to eat for dinner. I love tomato and tomato-based sauces and soups. Hmmm.. Ended with a vegetable roll but I had to ask the salesgirl to take out the nuts. This would definitely be a challenging two-week diet to follow!

Then off to a wedding tonight. And what did I see? Delicious food! A choice of either white or red sauce for pasta. Shrimps in tomato sauce. Fish fillet with butter sauce. And lovely looking cakes and desserts with chocolates, cream, and milk. Waaaahhhhh! I couldn't eat those! I satisfied myself with the other food offered (which tasted good!)

At least I can look forward to another wedding in two-weeks time. And by then, I hope I would be allowed to eat these food that I love!

Faithfulness

2009-11-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

If there is one word that could describe Christian and Claire's marriage, it would be faithfulness. God's faithfulness. As testified by the couple as well as their families, God's hand was present in every step of their journey.

Congrats and best wishes Christian and Claire!

For their story, please visit: http://capncrisp.multiply.com or http://ccwedding.multiply.com/

Knew

2009-11-05T18:22:00.000+08:00

I knew the reply. I got the confirmation.

So be it.

Dreams

2009-11-04T04:58:00.000+08:00

According to www.pageaday.com for women :

“Dreams say what they mean, but they don’t say it in daytime language.”

—GAIL GODWIN

•We need these messages too. Our dreams give us balance.

Memory

2009-11-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

My memory

Often it fails me.

The things that I just heard or said.

Even those I wrote down.

It can be irritating when you need the information.

You grope within your mind

Grasping for the right words.

Reminders don't always function.

Yet, these days

The challenge I face

Is trying to forget.

Why do I recall the little details?

Words, actions, places

Clothes, food, activities

And the hardest

Mistakes I said

Wrong decisions I took.

What I want

To remember the things that I must

And forget those that should be forgotten.

I am learning: On loving God’s Creation and men’s souls

2009-11-01T22:50:00.002+08:00

The bus stopped and the passengers prepared to get off. The lady beside me popped a candy into her mouth. She slipped the candy wrapper into the narrow groove of the bus window. Then, the bus ticket from her bag joined the candy wrapper. I had to muster all my willpower to stop myself from confronting her. I really wanted to ask her, “What do you think you’re doing? After Ondoy and Pepeng? Can’t you keep your garbage inside your bag until you find a trashcan?”

What I just described is a common scenario in our metropolis. Passengers indiscriminately throw thrash while riding jeepneys, tricycles, buses, trucks and even their private cars. Heaps of garbage-filled plastic bags mushroom at street corners. Empty lots become repositories of unwanted junk. Apparently, we Filipinos haven’t learned our lesson from the tragedies that our country has just gone through.

Yes, our flood control system is substandard but it was aggravated by its severely clogged drainage networks, all filled with garbage. Big ones and small ones. Here we see people who don’t care about nature. People who don’t realize and don’t remember that the trash we throw away will always come back to haunt us. We forget that nature won’t take care of itself. It was given to Adam and his sons to take care of God’s beautiful earth. See what we have done so far with the responsibility given to us?

On the other side of the spectrum are organizations which fight for the environment. I often see them inside the malls or as I walk through the Ayala walkway. I understand and agree with most of what they are advocating for. Like I said, we are stewards of earth and all that is in it. However, I have qualms about those groups which veer toward extremism, becoming hyper-zealous for protecting nature while overlooking the reality that Creation is not the master to be served but, rather, its Creator.

I am not saying that we should not busy our lives taking care of nature. But we must remember that even this is just a reminder that our first calling is to share the Gospel. I believe that those who truly know God should have a high sense of stewardship for everything God created, that includes our environment. We might forget, though, that there is a more important kind of life that must be sustained. Spiritual lives.

We must remember that men’s souls are still more important. When Jesus came to earth, He gave us The Great Commission: To go to the ends of the earth and make disciples of men.

Grocery

2009-10-29T18:32:00.000+08:00

I went to the grocery store on my way home. I wanted to prepare as I hibernate for the next two days. My doctor told me to go home and rest. And of course, I didn't follow his instructions. I stayed at the office the whole day. Things to do.

I like going to the grocery. I enjoy browsing through the shelves to see if there's something new to try out. I think I like this better than shopping for clothes, shoes and bags. Choosing food is less complicated. I settled on buying salmon and pork for soups. Salad and sardines for dinner. And yogurt for tomorrow. Not enough but I can always buy something else tomorrow night.

Time to rest for now.

Temptation

2009-10-28T19:31:00.000+08:00

Nope. Not possible.

Why? Because.

Just is.

It will disappear.

Day 30: Finish?

2009-10-27T06:42:00.000+08:00

It took me so long to finish this 30 day challenge. Technically, it has become a 37-day challenge. Truth be told, I was partly delaying this day. It would end my self-imposed requirement to write about something, anything. Yep, it is self-imposed. I like writing but I often find myself lost on what to write. Or even if I do want to write, I can't blog about the topic. Too personal. Too revealing. So why blog? Who knows? :)

Last night, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to breath and then die. Even though we believers know where we are going, I realized that there would always be that desire, little or big, to remain alive. Or at least, to pass away quietly and painlessly.

Who is Bob Ong? I have been reading some of his quotes in Facebook. There is truth in many of the words. They make me smile.

I have been writing about the things I am learning. The past few months, I have been trying to unlearn something. It's more difficult. It takes double the effort. No wonder my muscles are crying out from the stress.

Our teacher asked us what grade we would like to receive. If only I had the courage to pick the highest. It's hard to predict though if the choices we make might just backfire on us. If I choose the highest, she might think I am too proud and penalize me with a lower grade. If a lower grade, it might be considered a humble choice and be praised through the awarding of the highest grade. Or she might really just accept our suggestions and thus, I would be at the losing end. So I decided to base it on how much effort I gave. Otherwise, I am just glad that this class is over.

I heard Senator Gordon speak in a conference yesterday. He might not have a perfect speaking voice but his speech was well thought of. He knows what he is talking about. I wonder how he'd fare at the next election. The competition would be pretty stiff. At least 5 presidential candidates.

2010 will definitely be a crazy year. But I am looking forward to what it would bring. Something different. Something better. Here's to a better year!

I'm babbling. Trying to delay the inevitable. This is so like my habit of buying new things and only using or wearing them after at least a month or two. Weird. But that's just the way it is.

So I end it here. I know I can still write. But the title should no longer start with "Day"...

Day 29: Week-end experiences

2009-10-25T23:00:00.003+08:00

I met 3 friends yesterday. Over coffee (for 1) and sweets (blueberry cheesecake for me), we talked about a funeral and a wedding. The funeral took place today. The wedding will happen next month. God allows us to have beginnings and endings. It doesn’t follow that the former is always happy and the latter sad. Both make our lives richer especially if we allow ourselves to mature and learn from the journey. And the beauty of it all is that when God closes a door, He opens a new one.

= = =

I am thankful for friends who know how I feel because they also went through similar journeys. They know that the process takes time and there is the tendency to dwell on the same details. But they are willing to listen and encourage you. Even if you sound like a broken music player.

= = =

Praise and worship for five hours. Last Friday. I almost didn’t go. I am glad I did. I needed to remember who is the center of my joy. - - > JESUS

= = =

Buffet at midnight. Egg, sausage, hotdog, pancit, fried rice, fried bangus, congee, maja, palitaw, pancakes. Late dinner or early breakfast? Both. It was all worth it. For $3 dollars. And two hours of chichat with friends / churchmates. Unfortunately, my body is no longer used to very late nights. But it was a good night…err… morning!

= = =

I have come to the conclusion that I don't understand them. Their mind works differently. Their actions are unpredictable. They could be intelligent fools or moronically smart people. They defy definitions or generalizations.

But so are we.

Day 28: Done

2009-10-22T06:32:00.000+08:00

My last paper for this last subject will be submitted tomorrow.

One last thing to do is defense.

This will soon be over!

Day 27: Movies

2009-10-20T07:15:00.000+08:00

As final exam, we watched the movie "Amazing Grace" and we must submit a reflection paper. I am doing that right now. Or at least, trying to. There are so many things I would like to discuss but my mind is a swirl of many thoughts. I was distracted by the rain and the frightening lightnings. I get lost in my own reflections, leading me to ideas that I know I could not translate into actions.

We can make life simple or we can make it complicated. Yet, life is never simple. There are so many complications.

I am babbling. Trying to fill-up this space so that I could write something for Day 27? No, this is just a mirror of what is inside my head. A jumble of thoughts and words, trying to make sense of a world that is often unfathomable. I am just keeping my faith in God that He sees the tomorrow and He knows that it is a better one than today.

Movies and papers.

Day 26: Changes

2009-10-19T06:09:00.000+08:00

A friend forwarded this to me. Are there changes happening in your life? Where are you right now? Just an interesting diagram. I am not sure if this is applicable to guys because I am not sure if they go through a valley of tears.

Day 25: Omnium-Gatherum (Random Thoughts 9)

2009-10-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

Though we celebrated the happy news that friends would soon move to another country for good, it was still hard not to feel sad, too. Especially if the friendship has lasted for many years and has gotten stronger each year. It is hard to find real friends who would support you in any way they could. J and A (and baby C), I will truly miss you.

= = =

Beng was right. It is like the waves in the sea. It rises and subsides again. Sometimes you feel like being engulfed by it but sometimes you are deceived by the stillness of the sea. There are days though when a sudden wind of memory would sweep in the seawater and gets transformed into tears.

I am waiting for the sea to be calm again.

= = =

The mystery of friendships. You are good friends with girl A who is the bestfriend of girl B. Yet bizarrely, you don't get along with girl B.

= = =

Watered for 10 and then disappeared in just 2. How is that possible? So quick and then poof! Was it even there in the first place? Maybe not.

Day 24: Possible

2009-10-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

Who would believe that I would do so? But I did.

I just ate the pickles I found inside the cheeseburger.

And I used to hate pickles.

I wore normal shoes last Sunday.

It's been a decade since I last wore those.

I let my hair get curly again.

It was 8 years ago that it was like that.

I have been eating pineapple.

It was in high school when I used to like it.

Change is possible.

Day 23: Needles

2009-10-16T17:31:00.001+08:00

I was required to get some tests again. To check why my 4th finger (right hand) feels numb sometimes. I thought it would be a simple test.

Imagine my shock when a needle was stuck on my neck! Seven times! For a few minutes I was terrified. I was worried that something would go wrong and I would become paralyzed. I was just praying to God to help me through the test.

If only the procedure was completely explained to me. If only I didn't hear that the small needle wouldn't go through the muscle and the doctor asked for a bigger needle! What is it with needles and fear? Hmmmm....

Thank God it was over but I have a sore neck to show for it.

Another unforgettable medical experience...

Day 22: Sleep

2009-10-15T05:27:00.000+08:00

My doctor diagnosed my upper back and neck pain as muscle spasm. She gave a muscle relaxant to drink every night. And I was required to sleep at least 7 hours each day. So for the last three nights, I had been getting my quota of sleep. It felt good waking up.

I wonder though why during the day, I still feel my muscles tense....

Day 21: Pain

2009-10-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

It's all over. Pain in my neck, shoulders, eyes, waist, head, legs.

I feel the need to slow down.

I am not as quick as I was before.

Can't do the just 2-hour sleep anymore.

Yeah, I am getting old.

So you put hot compress and balms.

Get some therapy and do stretches.

Take a few more medicines.

Have longer sleep time.

Eat a little healthier than before.

And somehow, you feel a little better.

Now, if only that is enough cure for all pains.

Day 20: Liking

2009-10-13T23:45:00.000+08:00

There was a time that I thought that knowing God should mean that I have to like everyone. And that everyone should like me. Or at least not dislike me. But as I experience more of life, I realize that it is not possible. There would always people I don’t and can’t like. Not because I am being mean, but it’s just that people come in various shapes and sizes. Introvert and extrovert, serious and hilarious, patient and impatient. Some go for dark chocolate, others for white. Some find cells interesting, others like climbing mountains or prefer investments and wooden objects. Some find peace in nature, others get recharged from watching films. Others hate exercising, while some are health-buffs. Some people exude serene souls and it’s so wonderful to talk to them. Others take the energy out of you and you need some space before you see them again.

Yes, I am learning not to have to like everyone. I don’t have to apologize for it. It’s just the way it is.

And I don’t have to try so hard to make everyone like me. To some I am boring, to others I am interesting. To some I am adventurous, to others I am not adventurous enough. I may be intelligent to some but to others I am a dimwit. To some I am very serious, to others I can be naughty and hilarious.

I have learned that people can’t always like me and I can’t always like everyone. And of course, it doesn’t mean that I should be unkind. I know that I still have to exhibit the love of God. This is what makes life a little more interesting and challenging!

Day 19: Honesty

2009-10-12T23:05:00.004+08:00

Beng tagged me so here goes… :)

= = =

Can you fill this out without lying (it's not hard)? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose at least 8 people to be tagged. Don't forget to tag me!

To do this, copy this entire message, then go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, start a new note, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy!

Next, tag people and list their names at the bottom. Have fun! :)

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Corned tuna

2. Where was your profile picture taken? Santa Cruz, Laguna

3. Can you play the guitar? Nope

4. Name someone who made you laugh today? My physical therapist this evening.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why? 1am. The neighbor’s dog was barking all night!

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? Somewhere where there is nature and fresh air

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? No(t yet)

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on Facebook? Verk, my high school classmate

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? I will soon find out.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? Who is he???

11. When was the last time you cried? Last week.

12. Who took your profile picture? My colleague

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? My friend from my previous job.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Yes.

15. Can you live a day without TV? Yes.

16. Are you upset about anything? Yes.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Some are, some aren't...

18. Are you a bad influence? Err....depends.

19. Night out or night in? Either way, depends on the occasion and the weather.

20. What item(s) could you not go without during the day? water, toothbrush, lipstick

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? Ayos na landline nyo? (is your phoneline working already?)

23. How do you feel about your life right now? There’s a purpose for this. I am looking forward to next year.

24. Do you hate anyone? Hate is too strong a word. Nope.

25. If we were to look in your Email inbox, what would we find most? Subscriptions and copies of my blog entries!

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? If they could identify calcium then I won’t! hahaha!

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Never. I don’t think I would be called that, ever. J

28. What song is stuck in your head? May bukas pa ang iyong buhay… (sang by my officemate and got stuck in my head!)

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? Jesus

30. Wanna have grandkids before you're 50? Impossible to happen now! Hahaha!

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow: Work. Write. Eat.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Too much.

33. Do you smile a lot? Not these days.

Tagging anyone who wants to answer this! :)

Day 18: I'm an ectomorph!

2009-10-11T22:13:00.000+08:00

Body Types - Which One are You? The Ectomorph, the Mesomorph, the Endomorph, or a Combination?

We have known for quite some time now in bodybuilding that different body types respond differently to both training and nutrition. As a result, it is incredibly important to be aware of what your body type is so that you can design a training and workout program accordingly. In this article, the history of body types and some interesting pieces of information to help you identify them will be mentioned.

William Sheldon

William Sheldon (1898-1977) was an American psychologist who spent his life observing all the variety of human bodies. He taught at several universities and spent his career doing valuable research. As a child he was an avid observer of animals and birds, and as he grew up, this hobby turned into a strong ability to observe the human body.

The basics of body types are listed below:

The ECTOMORPH

Definitive "Hard Gainer"
Delicate Built Body
Flat Chest
Fragile
Lean
Lightly Muscled
Small Shouldered
Takes Longer to Gain Muscle
Thin

The extreme ectomorph physique is a fragile and delicate one. The bones are light, joints are small and muscles are slight. The limbs are relatively long in proportion and the shoulders droop. The ectomorph is a linear physique. Straight up and straight down, and may appear longer than he or she really is, due to the length of limbs coupled with lack of muscle mass developed on those limbs. The ectomorph is not naturally powerful and will have to work hard for every ounce of muscle and every bit of strength he or she can gain.

Other Ectomorph Traits

The extreme ectomorph may have long fingers, toes and neck are long. A pencil neck you could say. The features of the face are sharp, and the shape of the face is triangular. The lower jaw is somewhat receding. The skin tends to burn easily. Extreme ectomorphs may suffer from extremes of temperature. Due to the great body area in relation to muscle mass, the ectomorph may suffer from great heat, and due to low body fat, the ectomorph may suffer from great cold. The hair is fine and grows quickly and is sometimes difficult to keep in place.

Famous Ectomorphs

Lisa Kudrow, Kate Moss, Brad Pitt, Seth Green, Edward Norton.

The MESOMORPH

Athletic
Hard Body
Hourglass Shaped (Female)
Rectangular Shaped (Male)
Mature Muscle Mass
Muscular Body
Excellent Posture
Gains Muscle Easily
Gains Fat More Easily Than Ectomorphs
Thick Skin

The Mesomorph Body

The mesomorph has well-defined muscles and large bones. The torso tapers to a relatively narrow and low waist. The bones and muscles of the head are prominent. Features of the face are clearly defined, such as cheek bones and a square, heavy jaw. The face is long and broad, and is cubicle in shape. Arms and legs are developed and even the digits of the hand are muscled.

Other Traits of the Mesomorph

The skin of the mesomorph is thick and the mesomorph tans well. The hair is heavy in texture.

Famous Mesomorphs

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, the majority of Mr. Universe winners.

Endomorph

Soft Body
Underdeveloped Muscles
Round Physique
Weight Loss is Difficult
Gains Muscle Easily Like the Mesomorph.

The ENDOMORPH

The body of the extreme endomorph is round and soft. The physique presents the illusion that much of the mass has been concentrated in the abdominal area. This may or may not be true. The arms and legs of the extreme endomorph are short in length and taper. This may give the appearance of stalkiness. The hands and feet of the endomorph are comparatively small, and the upper arms and thighs are often more developed than the lower parts of the arms or legs. The body has a high waist.

Other Traits of the Endomoprh

The skin is soft and smooth, and the hair is fine. The head of the endomorph is spherical. The head is large and the face broad.

Famous Endomorphs

John Goodman, Roseanne, Jack Black.

Combinations of Body Types

Very often, people cannot be easily classed as one of the three main body types. Although there are some people who are purely ectomorphs, endomorphs, or mesomorphs with little or no characteristics of the other body types, very frequently, people fall into mixed categories, such as ecto mesomorphs, or endo mesomorphs, where largely, they are like the mesomoph, but with traits of the ectomorph (such as small joints or a trim waist), or traits of the endomorph (such as a tendency to gain fat easily). http://www.bodybuildingpro.com/bodytypeinformation.html

Day 17: Mistakes

2009-10-11T07:40:00.000+08:00

You commit them.

Big ones, small ones.

Planned, unplanned.

Wrong actions, bad decisions,

Hurtful words, slap-like acts.

But once they are done

You cannot take them back.

The glass is shattered.

At least there would be scars.

So you admit your mistakes

Learn from them

And then move on.

At least try

Even if it is hard

Hoping that one day it would be gone

The pain of taking the wrong step

Of saying unkind words.

One day...

it would be gone.

Day 16: Wish

2009-10-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

We know the reasons behind the tragic flooding that happened several weeks ago. First, nature has unleashed its power, deluging us with unprecedented large volume of water in a matter of hours. I can now imagine how the Great Flood happened. I am just thankful that we have the rainbow as a reminder that that won’t ever happen again. But the second and more painful reason is human error. Developments along or onnatural water ways, construction of shanty houses beside river banks, clogged drainages because of irresponsible throwing of trash, lack of comprehensive flood system, destruction of trees to hold up the water, etc.

The fingers started pointing to anyone and everyone. The poor for staying where they are not supposed to be. The government for not implementing the law, for being corrupt, for being disorganized. The developers for incessantly constructing where they want. For the people because we throw our waste everywhere. It was the result of decades of wrong decisions, lack of discipline and foresight and weak political will. We are now becoming conscious because we feel too well the pain from the death of loved ones, the destruction of our homes and livelihood, flood related diseases, and the mounting debts.

How I wish that our country would learn from the many errors of the past and implement changes so that there won’t be such tragedies. How I pray that the pointing of fingers would stop and the government would have the political will to function according to its mandate… to serve the people.

Day 15: Typing

2009-10-06T17:35:00.000+08:00

Typing...
Typing...
Typing...
and typing.

Day 14: Faith

2009-10-05T17:31:00.000+08:00

Isn’t it great to receive God’s assurance?

I am praying that He would continue to grant me the faith to believe.

May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

We will shout for joy when you are victorious

and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the LORD grant all your requests. – Psalm 20:4-5

Day 13: Ride

2009-10-05T03:06:00.000+08:00

Are only women like this? Going through so many emotions within a single day, even a single hour? From joy to despair, hopeful to darkness, abandon to timidity, proud to shame, freedom to guilt, thankful to complaints, and then back to happiness and being dreamy again.

Whew!

Crazy day!

Day 12: Writing

2009-10-04T03:04:00.000+08:00

and writing...

and writing.

Day 11: Kindness Quotient

2009-10-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

I borrow the phrase from Max Lucado. I have been having a very low KQ for the past few days in connection with this specific person. I have been noticing though that when I suggest something, being knowledgeable about certain things because I was ahead of her in the organization, she didn’t follow most of them. She just goes ahead with what she likes doing. So I decided to stop volunteering information and suggestions. They were not welcome anyway.

I really tried to be patient in the past year. Others would attest to it. I knew she felt it because she often turned to me when she needed help. And I did help again and again. And now, I am feeling taken advantage of. What aggravated the situation is that when she asks for information or help, she wants to have it immediately. On the other hand, when we ask her to handle a matter that falls under her responsibility, she keeps us waiting. Often, we wait for days, even a week or two.

So it has been difficult in the last two days. Trying my best to keep my temper in check. I know, I need to increase my KQ. Thank God, it’s the week-end. Time to recharge. To be ready again for next week,

Day 10: With faith

2009-10-02T07:29:00.000+08:00

When I heard that three members of our professional organization were victims of the now infamous Ondoy, I was concerned. I wondered how they were faring.

Tonight, I heard their stories firsts-hand (at least the two who are residing in far-away Montalban). What was so surprising was that they were not in despair. But then, I shouldn't have been surprised. I should have remembered that those who have faith remain secure in the knowledge that our God would always take care of us.

Pangga was chuckling while she was sharing how they escaped the rapidly rising waters. She couldn't remember anymore the exact time but it was between 10 to 30 minutes that the waters rose from her waist, to her neck, and then they had to "swim" over to a neighbor's house with a second level. It was the only house in their area with a second-floor. Thirty of them stayed on that flat (thank God it was flat!) rooftop until the rain stopped and water receded. She smilingly shared how she tried to use a towel to shield her back from the cold floor of the one room-house that they (18 of them) are temporarily renting, how she happily found her rubber shoes floating among the knee-deep mud inside their house, how she was able to rationally remember to save her important documents.

What is even more admirable is how she and Cherry (the other member of our organization) were able to help and share what they receive to those who are also in need. They are thankful that they were able to find the little house so as to escape the overpopulated schools that serve as temporary shelter. They are thankful that they are all safe, even if they lost everything, and cannot go back to their mud-filled houses. They are worried about their church member and where to go this coming Sunday because their church was among those that were damaged, together with all the equipment.

I am thankful that they are all safe. I am thankful that there is a brotherhood/sisterhood in the family of Christ who rise up to the occasion and provide a helping hand when it is needed. I am so thankful that I am part of the family of Christ so that we can support each other. I am so thankful that we have the peace and assurance that God will never leave nor forsake us.

Thank you Lord for the faith.

Day 9: Prayer

2009-10-01T07:47:00.000+08:00

Lord, we seek your mercy. Save us.

We humble ourselves and seek your forgiveness.

We ask for your comfort and love.

Lord, show us the things that you want us to learn from this.

Use this to bring us to your feet to worship.

Help us to love you and love our neighbor.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Day 8: Now it begins

2009-09-30T06:46:00.000+08:00

Yes, the pointing of fingers already started. Whose fault it is. Who was amiss in their duties.

And I can't blame them.

There were many who were incompetent in their jobs. There are a lot who diverted funds. But sometimes, it gets tiring to hear the enumeration of faults. And it gets tiring to hear them always blaming the government and specific officials.

I sometimes wonder though. Why do we always blame those in position considering that the sickness in our country has started so many years, even decades, ago? No one, it seemed, would be able to do the right thing.

But I do understand, the government should be doing its job. But how? With limited budget, with corrupt officials, with bureaucratic slowness pervading the system? Just how do we rise from where we are right now?

In a world that is becoming worse each day, with the knowledge that it would get more difficult in years to come, it is not easy to hope that our country would ever change for the better. But still I hope. That one day there won't be any finger-pointing. Only because everyone did what they are supposed to do. That those in position are truly serving the people. That individuals have embodied that consciousness that we serve ourselves best when we serve the better good.

Am I wrong to hope?

Day 7: After the flood

2009-09-28T21:41:00.001+08:00

As the water receded (albeit slowly for some places), I got more news about the situation of my friends and their families. The stories were hard to hear. The houses were submerged, people stayed on the 2^nd, 3^rd floors, and roofs of their houses. Many went without food and water for 12 to 24 hours. And when the rains stopped and the flood waters went down, what was left were mud-and dirt-filled houses. Appliances, clothes, furniture, books, electronics, documents, in other words, everything, damaged or destroyed.

We are now trying to raise funds and gather material donations to help those who are need. Right now, we could only focus on those we know personally. We know that there are others who are worse off… some completely lost their houses while others perished in the waters. Those people we know are just thankful that they and their families survived.

The admirable thing about us Filipinos is how we could come together when faced with tragedy. We rise to the occasion and do the best we can do to help those who are in need. I just wish we could always be like this, even when there is no tragedy.

I hope there won’t be any more rains for the next few days. Lord, please give us some respite. Blow away the coming storms. We need time to rebuild lives.

Day 6: Excuses

2009-09-27T12:17:00.001+08:00

Yeah, my blogging is not and won't be consistent. And most of the time, it is beyond my control. Either there is no internet connection, no electricity, or the system is down.

The rains which fell since Friday have brought so much damage. According to the news, it is more than the volume of a normal month's rain. I was not too much affected. Just power outage for more than 12 hours and a constant dripping of water inside my room. Unlike so many others, I later found out. Many slept on their roofs. Hundreds or even thousands got stranded. Some braved the flood and walked through chest-high waters to reach their houses. A lot went without food for so many hours.

I am thus thankful to God for keeping us safe. I am praying for those who are suffering that they would find help.

May the rain cease for the next few days.

Day 5: Plodding

2009-09-26T06:07:00.000+08:00

A week to go before I need to submit the final paper for this subject. Which means that I won't get enough sleep or rest. I wish I could be like others who work way way ahead on requirements. But I am one of those who could only create something when the deadline is near. Well, I have to admit that I did read and made some research already. But for me to coherently connect my thoughts, I need to feel the pressure.

So here goes for the coming week!

I wonder if I would be able to write here in my blog for the next 7 days!

Day 4: Open your hands

2009-09-25T06:13:00.000+08:00

I learned the news and made me think

Was the decision correct?

The right hand was opened to let it go

For in the other hand was kept

Something thought more important

But then, what was within the left hand

Struggled out and it too flew

Nothing now within the two hands

Should despair be the result?

Yes, but it should only be for a minute or two

For in fact, the hands should have remained open

Never keep something back

Allow God to be the one to move
He would place inside what is meant

To remain within forever.

Day 3: Thankful

2009-09-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

I feel so weak. I thought it was because of hunger. But I realize it was not. It came from stress.

After some fellowship over dinner, my friends and I came out of the restaurant and braved crossing a street slightly flooded with water. It has been raining since we started eating. Off to the parking lot to get Mr. C's car. When I saw the terrible traffic in EDSA (main highway in Manila), I felt the stress coming.

I live a little farther than Mr. C's beloved but he is (they are) kind enough to bring me home when we finish late. I super appreciate their kindness. And I didn't want to stretch too much their patience and big hearts. So when I saw the traffic, the stress started. Oh no! It's going to take too much of their time, gas, and energy. I was tempted to ask them to just drop me off and I would brave taking the bus. But I know they wouldn't let me (or maybe the would? So that's why I won't dare?:)). And the rain was getting stronger.

So all I could say was sorry and super thanks. But I was stressed. I didn't want to cause too much trouble. :(

But they are kind friends.

Thanks friends. I really appreciate it.

Day 2: Goodbye

2009-09-22T22:31:00.002+08:00

I’ve been trying to hold it off. I was quite busy so I often find ways to make excuses but I knew I needed to do the necessary. So Friday afternoon found me surveying the inside of my closet, executing judgment on my clothes. Which ones should go? Admittedly, I already weeded out the ones that were easy to let go. But to some more I must say good-bye. I didn’t think it would be so hard. But it was. I’ve gotten used to them, comfortable to wear, still presentable, yet I feel that their time with me is over.

So goodbye dear pants and blouses. I will miss you but for sure your new master will appreciate you.

Day 1: True King

2009-09-21T22:29:00.001+08:00

There were no stars in the night sky. The wind blew strongly almost constantly. Ill weather foreboded. It did not rain from the beginning up to the end. Because it was claimed through the most powerful name in this world. Only the tears from the balladeer’s eyes fell on that rainless night.

To many people who watched, it was a very special concert for it showcased two of our country’s very talented singers / performers. I believe though that for Mr. Pure Energy, it was more than that. It was the night that God spoke to the soul of the Concert King.

As he sang a song he did not pen, the Spirit touched him so that the words would come from his soul.

Because You have forgiven me

Too many times it seems

I feel I am not what you might call

A worthy Christian after all

Though I love you so temptation finds its way to me

Teach me to trust in you with all of my heart

To lean not on my own understanding

I just forget, you won’t give me what I can’t bear

Take me out of the dark my Lord,

I don’t want to be there alone

May he truly bow to the true King.

Prologue: 30 Windows into my journey

2009-09-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

Friends have done it before me.

They have succeeded.

Do I dare take challenge?

Why not?

I might succeed.

Tomorrow is the beginning.

Peek into the window

See what I learn from the journey.

30 days of learning.

and blogging.

Here we go!

Peaceful

2009-09-17T22:32:00.003+08:00

I lie down and sleep; I will wake again, because the LORD sustains me. – Psalm 3:5

I haven’t been sleeping well.

Is it because of the cats running after each other on our roof?

The barking dogs on the streets?

Or my mind is still awake even when my body is asleep?

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. – Psalm 4:8

I think the dreams are still there. I have this feeling that my mind is awake throughout the night. At least, I no longer remember them.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope - Psalm 130:5 (ESV)

But I am learning to be more at peace. Because I know that God is my peace and my hope.

Two necessaries

2009-09-13T23:17:00.002+08:00

Questions and perceptions.

Why are you going back? I have to.

You would be inflicting pain on yourself. Probably.

If there's nothing anymore, then why the desire to go back? Because I just want to.

Returned.

Nothing at all. I was right to go back.

The door is closing.

Why do that? I just want to.

What's your purpose? I am more at peace with doing that than the other option.

Just be prepared. I am.

There might be pain. I know what will happen.

Sent.

As expected. As predicted. I was right.

But I am happier for doing just that.

Close the door. The show is over.

The ending.

Time to watch another movie.

I am learning: Choosing to be fearless

2009-09-12T23:55:00.001+08:00

I don’t always look forward to August, my birth month. At this time of the year, I can’t help it but take stock of the past twelve months. It is so easy to fall into the trap of asking: “What have I accomplished? What do I have to show for the 365 days that have just passed?” And often, the answers find me wanting.

In this world of material standards, I apparently fail. I have no properties or jewelries, no large savings and no career ladder to climb. For others who equate success with relationships, I do not have a husband or children to show for it yet.

I am quite certain that a lot of people share this description, either completely or partially. We are the norm in a country (or even in the world!) where less than 10% of the population hold the majority of wealth and resources. Add to this the never-ending circus of our politics, the worsening environmental situation, the slow recovery of the world from economic crises, the appearance of new strains of diseases and the uncontrollable increase of population. Who wouldn’t get depressed when faced by all these?

For a season, the mantle of gloom burdened my shoulders. Thoughts of doom and inadequacy festered in my mind. What is there to look forward to? Why are we living in such a crazy world? What is the meaning of our lives? Who cares if we are alive or not? Why strive so hard when tomorrow you would just wake up to the same life?

Of course, I knew the right answers to all these but sometimes fear can make one irrational.

God uses different means to break through bondages and struggles in different people. Unforgettable experiences. Awesome displays of nature. A tender image of a sleeping child. Among others, God used an unexpected gift to get through the grayness overshadowing my spirit.

When a package arrived in our home one day, I wondered what was inside. I totally forgot about my online registration for a book review not expecting (again!) that I would be a fortunate recipient. But God works in mysterious ways. He knew what I needed. He understands that the written word converses with my soul in the same way that music speaks to a dancer’s spirit.

I opened my package and found my prize – the latest book by Max Lucado.[i] As I read through it, I finally realized what had been gripping my heart all along. It was fear. Fear of not mattering. Fear of tomorrow. Fear of having disappointed God. Fear of not really knowing God.

Max Lucado said it well: “Fear creates a form of spiritual amnesia. It dulls our miracle memory. It makes us forget what Jesus has done and how good God is.”

As I pored over selected chapters of the book, the timeless promises of God came back to me.

* “For we are God’s masterpieces. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Eph. 2:10NLT).

* “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”(Matt. 14:27 NLT)

I followed an advice given: “Be specific about your fear. Identify what “this cup” and talk to God about it.” Directed back to God, my thoughts remembered and my spirit transformed.

* “Stay awake and pray for strength.”” (Matt. 26:41 NCV)

* “The fear of the Lord leads to life, and he who has it will abide in satisfaction; He will not be visited with evil.” (Prov. 19:23)

I am still on a journey of conquering my fears. But I have become more positive, more hopeful, more trusting. I need not worry about anything as long as I stay within God’s will.

I am challenged to be courageous again. I am choosing to be fearless within the will of God.

[i] FEARLESS: Imagine your life without fear by Max LUCADO. Visit www.thefearlesstimes.com.

Toe Dare II

2009-09-12T06:57:00.002+08:00

Let's up the ante.

Crumple a fresh new bond paper.

With your foot.

Just one foot.

Do this 3 times.

Don't forget.

Put some baby powder

On each bond paper.

How are you doing so far?

Remember:

Observe your hands.

Are they clawing into the air?

Yup, they are helping your toes.

Close your hands.

For assurance.

Only the toes should get tired.

Must watch : Kimmy Dora

2009-09-06T21:41:00.005+08:00

Kimmy Dora (Ang Kambal sa Kiyeme)

“I am just a girl, floating in front of a guy, asking him to love her.” Seems like a lame line considering that it was originally from the Notting Hill movie but not when it is delivered by Eugene Domingo. I don’t think I would ever forget this line. Or the movie-long laughter I had as I watched the movie featuring the main character’s awesome talent. Everyone would probably say that I have been living under a stone, but yeah, I was. I might be the only Filipino in Metro Manila who doesn’t know her. My defense? I haven’t watched TV for the last two years.

Who is she? Why is her name a guy’s name? Such inane questions because it doesn’t matter. I truly had fun. And the hundreds of moviegoers with me last Saturday. Everyone laughed.

So what did I like about it? The humor was just right.

And you get a great deal. Imagine, double the talent of Eugene Domingo! You get her as the “abrasive” but competent Kimmy and her twin, the “simple” yet tender-hearted Dora. I am no expert in Filipino comedy movies but the punch lines were delivered just right. Though it was not a GP movie, it seemed like nothing in it could be described as too distasteful. It was just right. Of course, there were irrational scenes, bordering on the fantastic but I think they were made to make a point about the level of emotion of an actor.

My friend rightfully pointed out that there were certain actions that were not consistent with the original personality of a character but she also said that we have to remember that this is a comedy movie. And I completely agree. I think it meant to show the talent of Eugene and in this, it was successful. To be able to shift from one character to the other is truly amazing. Just disregard the unnecessary.

There were a lot of surprises for me in the movie. Appearances of certain actors and actresses. True, there were formula jokes but one feels a sense of unpredictability with regards to the words and actions of Kimmy and Dora. And I liked that the ending focused on the relationship of the sisters.

So please watch the movie. To support the local industry. To laugh. Or both. Or learn from the unique fashion sense of Kimmy and Dora.

Toe dare

2009-09-06T21:06:00.000+08:00

Crumple a fresh new bond paper.

With your foot.

Just one foot.

Let's see if you can do it.

Under 5 minutes.

Side effects:

Less veins for your foot.

Better glutes.

Singapore again

2009-09-04T22:02:00.011+08:00

It was a bit unsettling to wake up early yet see a very bright Sunday morning. I later learned that Singapore was supposed to be an hour ahead of us but the country decided to follow our time zone for business reasons: Hong Kong. Anyway, we dawdled a bit on this day because our next schedule was still 11am. For breakfast, we enjoyed the sweet breads we bought. I especially like the raisin bread. Then off to Trinity Christian Centre where we had an opportunity to worship God together with a predominantly Singaporean congregation. We met a few of my friend’s friends. They were very warm and friendly.

For lunch, the four of us headed to Lau Phat Sat, another hawckers’ food centre located at the center of the business district. I manned our chosen table while my gracious hosts bought what would be my birthday lunch. We had different kinds of satay (meat on skewers), oyster omelette, kangkong, spicy manta ray, some other dishes I forgot and the refreshing drinks (sugarcane?). I definitely ate a lot. And here once again, we laughingly noted the efficiency of the busboys. Several times, the guy assigned to our table attempted to “take” a plate even though we were not done eating yet. When we were done, we obligingly signaled to him that it was now okay to clean up our table. Hmmm… we thought that maybe they have a quota on the number of plates they have to bring in.

A taxi ride brought us to a Hindu temple. We just peeked inside to see what the people were doing. Those who enter must be barefooted. We then headed to the Buddhist temple which was well-maintained and there were more people inside. A ritual was being held inside. After a few pictures from the outside, we directed our attention to the wares being sold at the stalls outside. My friend happily bought some key chains while I bizarrely purchased a Philippine flag pin. We walked through the street of stalls under the heat of the sun. Near the end, we found our companions seated and happily sipping from Thai coconuts. We joined them and enjoyed the different yet tasty juice and meat of Thai coconuts. We ended our walk by buying a small pack of dried sweet plums.

I was now knowledgeable on how to return my used MRT cards and to buy new ones. Armed with the instructions of my Singapore-residing friends, Shawie and I bravely took our first metro ride without our unofficial guide. In a way, it was our first adventure alone. At the station where we were to take the bus to the Night Safari, I lost Shawie for a few minutes. Good thing we found each other again. And gratefully, we found the right bus to take.

The bus ride was long. I was able to nod off for a few minutes (Yeah, I was still tired and lacking sleep). I was so sleepy that I bumped my head against the glass window! That really woke me up! Our limited time in Singapore would only allow us to visit one tourist park and we chose the Night Safari. But the entrance to the Zoo Safari was just a stone-throw away so we roamed at the entrance for a few minutes and took each other’s pictures.

The fee (entrance + tram) was quite expensive (around P1000) but it was either that or choose the less expensive ticket and just take a walk around the Safari area. We chose to get the former to truly enjoy what we wanted to see. It is not everyday that we could go to Singapore for a night Safari. So why the name Night Safari? Because it opens at 7:30pm and ends at midnight? Well, yes, but a better explanation is that it is meant to showcase 100 species of nocturnal animals in their natural habitats.

We were again fortunate to talk to a Filipino working in the zoo. He gave us an itinerary to maximize our time and still catch our bus and metro rides. Complete the tram ride, watch the Creatures of the Night Show, try to catch the Fire show and finally take the different walking trails. So we did what he suggested.

The tram ride provided us with a general view of what the zoo has to offer. It was amazing how the management arranged for the place to be safe while letting the animals appear to be in their natural habitat. It was possible to imagine that they could just walk up to you. Thank God for ravines, fences, and wall-length glass dividers. The Creatures of the Night Show was really fun. The hostess was very good (though her voice was a bit too shrill for my ears). The performing animals were very impressive as they followed the instructions of the trainers (and ate the food being given them!). The audience volunteers were happy to play with the various animals which included a python! Because the Fire show already started and we had limited time on our hands, we opted to spend our time on the walking trails. Completing the walkways together with the Leopard Trail, Fishing Cat Trail and Forest Giants Trail was quite challenging. But it was all worth it. Seeing the animals first-hand and from such a short-distance was unforgettable. And of course, my favorites were the paths with lions, tigers and leopards.

On our return home, the few voices echoed loudly inside the near empty train. Our bus ride was again uneventful except for the moment when it was quite hard to find the exact change to pay our fare. And also when we were not sure on which bus stop we were supposed to get off. Thank God we arrived safe and sound to our temporary home.

Our return home:

We rose up early. It was a working day for Christine. I and Shawie must make our way to Changi Airport for our return trip. Time flew so fast. We were once again traversing the tree-lined and very wide roads but now on our way to the airport. My former colleague met us at the airport and fed us a filling Mcdo breakfast. She even surprised me with a birthday gift. On the plane, we had noodles and water for lunch.

It was my birthday and I really didn’t know what to feel. Time stood by and new memories were created in my mind. Time to go back home. Back to reality.

First day in Singapore

2009-09-04T21:45:00.001+08:00

A promotion from a budget airline a few months ago and the presence of a close friend in that part of the world helped seal a spur of the moment decision to take a very short vacation for my birthday. I felt that I would need a necessary break from everything when this time of the year arrived. So Friday midnight found me and ate Shawie (she also celebrated her birthday, a few days before mine) at the immigration of Changi Airport in Singapore.

A very busy schedule in the past few weeks (or months?) prevented me from making my usual habit of checking out the interesting places to see in a particular country. In short, I left my fate to my dear friend Christine. Graciously she provided me with an itinerary. Her long stay in Singapore and her travel experiences with her many visitors (friends and family, and their family and friends! The eternal extended Filipino family! ) could almost make her earn some extra income for being an unofficial official tourist guide.

I was happy to discover Singapore. Ate Shawie and I appreciated the wide and tree-lined roads that led us to our temporary abode. To begin our first full-day, we were led by a dear friend, Christine, to enjoy the Southern Ridges and were treated to an amazing walk on Henderson Waves, Singapore’s highest pedestrian wooden-decked bridge. Under one of its numerous waves, we had our tasty and spicy breakfast. The early morning walk ended up a hilltop destination, Jewel Box, where we took a cable car ride straight to Sentosa. All this time, when people talk about Sentosa, I thought it was a shopping area (I found out later on that it was the Orchard instead!). With our limited time, we quickly roamed around, saw and had our pictures taken with Merlion (a little version), took a bus ride and then a tram to and from Siloso beach (but walked a bit on Tanjong and Palawan beaches). A side comment… we still have (much much much) better beaches.

We next went to Vivo City Mall to meet my former colleague Jen and her husband. Our lunch inside at the Food Republic was delicious (more so because it was free!). It was paradise to those who love hawker’s food but afraid of possible germs and bacteria. We ate gado gado, sop buntot, chicken rice, some dumplings, etc. We burned off those calories as we walked along Orchard. Of course, I just had to try the Singaporean version of street ice cream: the size of two matchboxes and sandwiched between two sweet wafers. Surprisingly, it did not melt. We roamed around inside a few shopping malls, such as the iOn Mall and successfully conquered our impulse to buy a shirt from an expensive Spanish brand. Then off to Marina Square Food Loft to have an early dinner. We wanted to eat at the veranda to enjoy the aerial show (???) or rehearsal for Singapore Day (August 9) but all the tables were filled up.

We went inside the Asian Civilization Museum primarily for the air conditioning and to refresh ourselves. We were also fortunate to buy a souvenir shirt on sale. Then off to Kallang Indoor Stadium to attend a Praise and Worship Celebration. We found ourselves being led to stadium seats that were very near the stage. American singer Bob Fitts, his wife and then an Indonesian P&W team led the singing. Someone spoke, another led the prayer,and then there was some singing again. There were a few moments that I almost fell asleep (because we didn’t get enough rest the night before and we have been walking all day long).

We left the stadium before the event ended so as to avoid the rush of people taking the public transportation. For a few minutes though, we really didn’t know which direction to take and where to find the public transportation. Finally, we discovered a free bus ride to the nearest metro train. We made a short stop at a bakery to buy some bread for breakfast. Then we were back to our temporary home, sweet home where we had a very restful sleep for the night.

Surviving Globe

2009-09-04T15:27:00.000+08:00

I think I can survive without internet.... but not when I have papers to write and parents to call (via skype).

And last a few days without a phoneline... but not when we need to call for the delivery of cooking gas and rice.

Or remain alive without roaming... but not when it's your birthday and people are greeting. How do I thank those who sent messages when their P1 peso but heartfelt greeting just dissolved into thin air?

I was not a very happy customer these past few weeks. I couldn't blog, couldn't post pictures, check emails and do research for my paper. I missed two monday calls to my parents.

But I am glad to have back my dial tone and DSL connection (two hours and counting!).

I hope I won't need to call another customer service person in the next few years!

Jimmy shirt

2009-09-04T14:41:00.000+08:00

Got lost in Pasay

Just for boots.

Sweaty and wind-blown hair.

Measurements and phone numbers

Contact once done.

Message on the way home.

One in camouflage

Textmates?

Sorry took the number.

Of course no reply.

It was the blouse.

Baptize it from now on

Jimmy blouse.

Funny boots

2009-08-18T21:01:00.001+08:00

As I tried on the boots I ordered, the two guys manning the little store tried to fish some information. Spoken in the local language, they barraged me with questions.

Ma'am, why don't you order boots for your husband? - I just smiled.

Are you married ma'am? - No.

Surely, many guys are courting you? - Hmmm... many... define many...

He has a crush on you. - That's right. That's why he didn't send me a text message that my boots were ready for pick up.

Ma'am, how come you have such an aquiline (matangos) nose? - I just chuckled.

You are pretty. - I just smiled.

Ma'am, how old are you? - Chuckling, I said that it is not polite to ask a lady her age.

Why is it not polite? Can I make a guess? - Sure.

25? - I said no, trying to stop myself from laughing loudly.

Less than 25? - Still smiling, I hurriedly and politely thanked them and left.

As I boarded the bus, I was smiling to myself. 25, yeah right! But it was flattering to be thought of as pretty and younger than my real age. Now that I think about it, maybe it was just their way to distract me. It was the third set of boots they made for me this year. Because the quality of the work done on the previous two were substandard. Now I only wish that the third set was okay. Unfortunately, it was not.

Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Hard to sing

2009-08-18T05:11:00.000+08:00

Scars by Corinne May

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don't want to hear them say
"You're no good at this"

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away
All within me
That won't bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Scars make us stronger for life

Counting

2009-08-15T23:44:00.003+08:00

I no longer remember how the topic came about but a churchmate, tita emi, talked over lunch about the ages 70 and 80 as the "standard" age limit of the human race. I recalled what she said when I was reading Psalm 90 a few days ago.

Psalm 90

10 The years of our life are seventy, 

or even by reason of strength eighty; 

yet their span is but toil and trouble; 

they are soon gone, and we fly away.

Sometimes it is so easy to be overwhelmed by our problems and struggles here on earth. I forget that we are just temporary sojourners here. That we are to keep in mind the eternal consequences of our decisions and actions. For it would determine what we would eternally call home. It is not easy. Especially when you cannot see even the where your very next step would take you.

And so I pray to God...

12 So teach us to number our days

that we may get a heart of wisdom.

And remind myself that everything comes from God, even contentment and joy. Despite the trials and failures.

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,

that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

and for as many years as we have seen evil.

That one day, I will be able to understand. If not here on earth, then in Heaven. But by then, it wouldn't matter. Because there would just be singing and joy.

16 Let your work be shown to your servants,

and your glorious power to their children.

17 Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, 

and establish the work of our hands upon us; 

yes, establish the work of our hands!

Yes, Lord, let the favor of Your Hand be upon us.

Revelation

2009-08-14T06:57:00.001+08:00

When the book of Revelation in the Bible is mentioned, most often than not, we think about the anti-Christ, the signs that the end is near, the mark 666, the wars and the false peace, rapture, the new Jerusalem, etc. We even discuss the pre-trib and post-trib debate. Just as Woodrow Kroll has pointed out in his current series on this book (Back to the Bible www.backtothebible.com), many might have considered this as a book of revelations. He mentioned that we are missing the real content: that it is a book of revelation of Jesus Christ to John.

For those who are interested, Woodrow is discussing the 25 portraits of Jesus Christ in this book. Great to be reminded and to learn each day!