Face your fear

Just thinking about it is making me nervous. All eyes focused on you. Around eight to ten spotlights, maybe even more, are directed towards you. Highlighting the fact that you are on stage and in front of everyone. Apprehension gripping your heart. Your stomach all tied up in knots.

In my mind, I try to imagine how I would go about sharing my life in front of around 200 to 300 people in a large auditorium. And all I can feel is dread.

Battles have been fought within me whenever I am forced to stand in front of a crowd. Just like any normal person, I love being the centre of attention. Who wouldn’t? But not when many pairs of eyes are on you, looking at you while you try to say what is on your mind, share your heart. I can speak before a group of people, facilitate a discussion, lead a meeting, and feel comfortable if only I am safely on my chair. But make me stand, even for a few minutes, say a prayer, facilitate a game, and for sure I become tense and cold all over. I expect it. Clammy hands, loud beatings of the heart, nervousness consuming my mind.

And so was I dismayed to hear our pastor when he asked me to share something about my life! On Sunday… during the main service… in front of the whole church! Oh boy! This is going to be an ordeal. But then, I couldn’t say no. It’s an opportunity. I am being given the chance to declare to the world His goodness and the changes He wrought in me.

It is a privilege, true. I know God is telling me to do this. He will put the words in my mouth. He will be by my side.

And so now I prepare my words in advance. I will practice all day tomorrow. I don’t feel so afraid for the moment. I hope this will last me until Sunday.