I am trying to find out the reason why it seemed so different this year. Have I become jaded and gotten used to the season?
I don't seem to be feeling the usual excitement that courses through my body and mind. The thrill that the season brings seemed gone. What happened?
I prepared my list of people I want to appreciate. I thought deeply about the best gift I could give to them (taking into consideration the price, the availability of the products, my time and the accesibility of the place). I bought the gifts. I wrapped them. Gave them a bit early than usual.
I received gifs. Thanked the giver and kept all the gifts in one area of my room. I planned to open them on Christmas eve. I did this a few years ago and I remember the feeling of excitement as I unwrapped each one. But this year, it was not the same. I loved the gifts I received . There were a few surprises. Yet it was different.
Early Saturday morning, on December 24, I left and went grocery shopping to buy the ingredients I needed for the Christmas food we were preparing. Back home, I gave instructions to our helper. I methodically opened tin cans of milk and fruit cocktail. I mixed all the ingredients and came up with a tasty (to me anyway) buko salad. We alse prepared the tuna spaghetti we wanted to make for that night ( a healthy choice!). There were other kinds of food in the refrigerator, ready for anyone who wants to wolf down a heavy dinner. Shopped, prepared, ate. All done. Usually, this gives me a certain satisfaction. Joyful that I was able to prepare something for the family. Truly, I was happy to have done all the things I have done. Yet, something is really different.
I am not sad. I am not feeling down. Yet I was not so very happy. When I try to think about it, I seem not to be feeling anything. I know that I loved the things I have done to celebrate the birth of our Christ. I gave gifts to people that I really want to appreaciate. I planned what food to eat.
What is the reason? Maybe I became distracted of the fact that I am assuming new and more responsibilities at the office? Maybe I was too busy with all the preparation that my heart forgot to relish the true meaning of the season? Maybe...