Trying to remember the past is an ordeal for me. Not because of terrible experiences ( I also had those but read on and you will understand), but because I cannot recall that much. I can no longer say if it has always been like that or it was just the result of that fateful night when my life had to change. A vehicular accident forced me to go under the knife (literally) … meaning six surgeries ( or was it five?) under total anaesthesia. Many say that a mother who has given birth through caeserian would have lapses of memory. And so, imagine six times (or five) that dosage and imagine what would be the result.
Add it all up, I can count with my fingers memories of my elementary life. High school reunions bring me surprises because of the stories I could not recall. College life … what happened then? It all seemed a blur. There are other things as well.
I find myself forgeting the name of the person I just had conversation with on the telephone. Memorizing historical dates has become quite hard ( A pity, for oh how I so love hostory!). Ask me a question about the exam I took a week ago, most likely than not, I cannot answer back. Sometimes I stop and try to recall what I was about to do. Even the foreign language I had learned was affected - - - grammar rules went out the door, my store of vocabulary was depleted, sometimes simple words became a little hard to translate. A person I’ve known for so long might be taken aback when I ask for her name again. Lapses… lapses in my memory. Of course, I learned to find solutions. Jotting down things to do became important. I guide myself with alarms in my cellular phone for appointments and birthdays. Even topics I want to include in my blog I had to write for me to be reminded ( I read my notes this morning, and I saw “friends” but for the life of me I could not remember what to write about friends!).
Can you blame me if I consider it a curse to have a poor memory? ( But who wouldn’t?)
But all trials bring along a blessing. More often than not though we only see it too late. Mine I have realized early on. For you see, my curse of a memory ( or better yet, the lack of it), also gave me a gift. It has become a picnic to forget little slights that other people have directed towards me. When I leave the office, I leave along with it my apprehensions about workload and deadlines (most of the time, to be truthful). Forgiving a person has become easier ( just don’t abuse it). Even my own worries I have learned to deal with without too much difficulty. I have to admit that there are little aids. Like the television, the movies, books, conversation with friends, etc. etc. But on the other hand, I know from other people’s tales that they get easily distracted by their worries and doubts. While me, on the other hand, I can distract my worries to forgetful beyond.
I know that there will be numerous times that I will cry against this burden of mine. This is true especially for forgotten appointments or important tasks I failed to do. But I will, in a way, still treasure this bane of mine. In a peculiar way, it has made my life easier. For you see, it is better to forget the past and pains that will not bring you benefits. And remember instead that the bad always brings us good. Just know where to look.