Fathom yourself

I do not need to look into a mirror and sing the song of Mulan. True, her song is not mine to own. She reflects on her life as woman who has no voice in a world of men. I do not need to battle as an activist for my place in this world. I wage a different kind of battle. And so I would like to borrow her verses ...

Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.

Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.

Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.

This I ask, not to anyone else, but to myself. I often think I know myself but then there are circumstances in life that show that I do not.


Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I may ask myself this question again and again but I know that I will never get the right answer. I am a clay beneath the potter's hand. He alone knows my consistency, my texture, how much water I need to make me whole, my height and width, my capacity to contain things. How I wish I could see what He sees. Life would be easier. It would be predictable.

Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?

Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.

When will my reflection show
who I am inside?

I will continue to ask. I will continue to search. I know I will never find the answer here on earth. Still, I will ask.