Completion

Hear me out. Let me be open. Let me be angry for once.

I take offense when I hear jokes about women who are almost past the bearing age and still unmarried. I often remain quiet but I want to cry against people who laugh, even harmlessly, about the single status of older women.

Why does our society equate women’s completion with marriage? True, it is said that Eve was created to be a partner to Adam. But aren’t we also told that we are all created to please God? And is getting married the only way to please God? True, women face challenging circumstances later on when they lead single lives. Yet these same women may enjoy uncluttered and emancipated lives without relations to drag them down.

I am in that range of age when some women are beginning to get desperate about finding partners. And I sometimes wonder if I will ever find the one. Many friends tell me not to worry for I am still young. And I don’t. But in a previous blog, I mentioned that I have lots of lady friends who are accomplished in their fields, possess different kinds of beauty, intelligent in their own way and still unmarried. These women, who are older than me and have so much more to offer, are still looking for their life partners. What does this signify to me? Should I panic?

The 2000 NSO statistics tell us that men slightly outnumber women. In every age range. Add seven years to that and the figures for each age range almost remain the same. Except for the new generation. And true, a lot of our kababayans are going out of the country. But again, according to statistics, most of the OFWs are women. And more often than not, they marry those that are from the foreign lands. Which means there should be more men to go around. For those who remain here.

Consider another factor. Gays have entered the competition. Picture this scenario. There are 100 people on an island. 51 are men and 49 are women. If 10% of the men are gay, there would only be 46 men for 54 women and gays. Men go for younger women. So maybe, 46 men are running after 20% of the women, this percentage representing the younger population. Consider also that there are men who are irresponsible, immature, violent, double-timing, etc.? Where does that leave the remaining 32 older women? Their choices for men have dwindled.

Why is it that society does not make jokes about single men, single parents, unwed mothers, and separated women? Are they more complete because they have children or had husbands who left them? Is society telling us that it is better to get married and be miserable than to be single and contented?

I wonder if those who laugh about unmarried women know that every time they crack a joke, with no malice intended, that they are adding to the hurts and pains of these women? It is like they are literally pouring out lemon on an ever-fresh wound. Single women who might have been contented because of their singleness yet society dictates that they shouldn’t be. For they are not married. For those who are alone, not because of their own doing but because responsibilities forced them to be, aren’t we adding insult to injury when we kid around about their situation? Isn’t it enough that they go home each night alone and there is no one to care for them? We have created a culture that is gently yet continuously hurting their souls.

When we go to heaven, will God ask us if we got married and had children? I think not. I believe that we are going to be asked about what we have done with His name. Being married is just an option. Just like choosing a career or a calling.

I still have a long way to go before I become officially one of them. But there is always that likelihood that I may someday be like them. Unmarried. Statistics are there to support this possibility. That is why I have learned to be sensitive to their feelings. I would want other people to respect me if ever I remain single. I treat them during their birthdays. I ask how they are. I listen to their stories. I try to understand their quirks and eccentricities. I hope that these actions would be directed to me if ever I go through whatever they are going through now.

And no, I will not allow funny jokes about single, old women to pervade. I will not be silent anymore. You had your laugh. Start realizing that it is not amusing anymore.

For women who were blessed with marriage, give some of your time to these single women. They need attention too, not to be just your baby sitters or caretakers of your parents. To young and single women who want to get married, learn to respect those who have gone ahead of you and remained single. They are such either by choice or life made them as they are. You never know. You might just be one of them, someday.

To single women, be proud of your singleness. There are so many things that you can do that married women wish they could. For men who laugh about these women, be glad if you only have sons. Otherwise, I pray that your daughters may not be the object of these jokes.

And please, stop telling us to find a man to complete us. It is only God who can do that.