Sunday, February 08, 2009

I am learning : Choose the Uncommon Union

Ah, February! You can feel the air pulsating with all the romance, passion, sweetness and giddiness (kilig!) of this month of love. Soon we shall see bouquets of red roses, chocolates in heart-shape boxes, and streets filled with couples holding hands.

But for some of us who are single, the tendency is to detest this particular time of the year. We ask ourselves how come we can’t seem to find our “other half” in a world of 6.6 billion people, with a ratio of almost 1 to 1? Where, as Jerry Maguire said, is that one who would “complete me”? We want to find the love of our life.

Sometimes I wonder though if it is worth finding the “one?” I recall the stories of pain and suffering that this search, this journey has been known to bring. We hear of or know people who were supposed to be in love. Yet they ended up separated, living with someone they did not marry, or are part of a second or third family. Even worse is if we, ourselves, are a part of that family.

But on the other side of the coin, I know of couples who remained true to their vows up to the end of their lives. I remember the couple seated beside me on the plane, married for 56 years, and still referring to each other with terms of endearment like “babe” and “honey.” We do not even need to go far to find examples, there are many in our own backyards.

There is the reality though that many girls wish to fall in love with a good-looking guy who can provide for them comfortably, take them on luxurious travels, and then live happily ever after. Guys, on the other had, tend to fall in love with women with lovely figures and beautiful faces, who will serve as their trophy to show off to their buddies.

But is falling in love with the “right” person enough?

Jan Struther said, “It’s as important to marry the right life as it is the right person.”

To check if a person is the “right life” you’re looking for, consider these areas of compatibility which author Steve Farrar mentioned in his book “How to ruin your life by 40.”

He suggested that a couple’s compatibility needs to be on six levels: intellectually, emotionally, socially, volitionally (decision-making), spiritually and physically. The first five are learned through convering with one another, implying that there should be more of these in a relationship before marriage. His words make sense to me. (For more of his works, check out www.stevefarrar.com)

I have never been in a romantic relationship. I don’t know what it feels like to be in love. One thing for sure, I would like to be able to say what Jonathan Edwards, considered as America’s most important and original philosophical theologian, said. At his deathbed, he was said to have uttered these words: “Give my kindest love to my dear wife, and tell her that the uncommon union which has so long subsisted between us has been of such a nature as I trust is spiritual and therefore will continue forever.”

I have come to the conclusion that love is a decision tied closely with commitment. True, it can start with attraction, feel a “tingly spark”, followed by the welling-up of emotion that begins from your heart that goes to your gut. But it should not stop there. Love is irrational yet rational. It should consider the union of two different lives. For love to be real, it has to survive the storms this world would bring. And it is only possible if it is centered on God and decided by both the heart and the mind.

May we all desire to have that. Let us choose the uncommon union that would last.

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Lion Chaser Manifesto

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion.

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson (www.evotional.com)