The greatest of all fears

I am not a courageous person. 

I am afraid of going into the deep part of the sea or even the swimming pool. My stomach churns when I am high above a building. Being a visual person, I can imagine images of me falling or sideswiped by a vehicle.

I don't like being in front of an audience. Their eyes gazing at me give me the shakes. My voice trembles and I won't be able to speak. 

I was afraid when I went solo in Amsterdam. I don't like being in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people whose languages I am not completely familiar with. 

I had a few sleepless nights before I was interviewed for my current job. For many months, my heart felt like it was hanging on a balance. Even now, a glimpse of our head boss can send bursts of nervousness inside me.

These are just a few fears that I experienced and still experience. In the past few months though, I discovered something interesting. LIttle fears can easily be forgotten when faced with bigger fears. I forgot to worry about the project I was doing for a foreign company when I was given another bigger responsibility. Worrying about my seminar paper seemed immature when compared to the anxiety I felt over the final project I have to do to finish school. But all of them seemed nothing when faced with personal and family decisions. 

There are many levels of fears. Some we handle well while others overwhelm us. I mentioned it before but I mention it again and again. I am glad that my greatest fear remains alive. 

My greatest fear? To be outside the will of God.

And so I continue on with this race called life. Praying and continuously trusting that God will keep me within His embrace and that I will remain in tune with His heart.