Just another day

I feel like crying.

Sometimes I get tired of people telling me to wear shoes other than boots. Don't they know that if I had the choice, I would have worn the sexiest high-heeled shoes? That I would go to parties, with knee-length cocktail dresses together with open-toed glittery shoes? That I would have loved to wear summer clothes with pastel colored sandals? Or even white classic slippers paired with simple shorts and shirt? I would haves. Lots of them.

Just thinking of the “I would haves” makes me teary eyed. What young woman wouldn’t want to have fun with different styles in clothes and shoes? What visual-person wouldn’t dream of capturing everyone’s attention with her fabulous get-up?
Bones attacked by my own thyroid anti-bodies, resulting in osteopenia in some parts of the body and osteoporosis in others. Victim of a freak accident, fracture of the bones, and thereby discovering its brittleness and fragility.

I distinctly remember asking for my shoes from those unknown but helpful souls. Oh, how I loved those brown, mid-high heeled shoes! Even then, I still had the presence of mind to remember my shoes. But of course, in the chaotic events that happened, the shoes got lost. And even if they were found, they were of no use. Their purpose in my life was gone.

How funny to think that the choice of shoes could limit our choice of clothes. Normally, women select the style of their shoes based on their desired clothes. But it has become the other way around for me. It is not that funny anymore.

Knowing that I need to protect myself ( I once tripped over the leg of a moving blackboard, and was I thankful for sporting boots that day and that they protected my lower legs!) and following doctor’s orders, I have decided to stick to boots. It would have been fun, once again, if I was in Europe, in the States even in Mexico or Korea. In those countries, boots are common. They come in various styles, sizes, designs and colours. Wearing boots was fashionable. Normal.

But not here. And so I grew weary of roaming shoe stores looking for the perfect boots. I became disappointed with custom made ones. I am exhausted of wearing the same old boots day in, day out, rain or shine.

I’ve learned to accept my fate. The mistakes of a careless and sleepy truck driver changed my life forever. But who am I to complain ? I am alive. I could walk with both my two feet on the ground. Yup, there are limits. But it’s just a matter of mindset. I’ve accepted my fate.

But there are days that I get tired. Tired of explaining myself regarding things beyond my control. Trying to remind myself to look at the better side of life.

Remind myself, it’s just one of those days.