Finishing

A day or two before tonight, I was going through a sort of a crisis. I made plans and set my mind to do something but a certain hurdle came my way. I was beginning to wonder if I was taking the right steps to achieve a project. I cannot see the ending. I do not know even this late what is the purpose of this goal. A goal that I did not realize I have to achieve but now I must reach. And if I do accomplish my goal, what is the next step? What would this achievement bring to me? I felt deflated. I felt tired.

I have always been a finisher. Everything I do, everything I start, I make sure, with everything in me, to finish it. I do not want to rue the day that I gave up on something. I do not want to have not tried. Or to sound like a cliché, it is better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all.

I have learned though in the past few years that sometimes there are things that you cannot finish. There are decisions that are taken from your hands. There are instances when you cannot do anything but give up because it is no longer the path that is being given to you. Sometimes, not finishing something is really its end.

Back to my little “crisis.” Doubts crowded my head. I came to the point of asking myself if it is time to let go and pursue other things that I feel are right. I said to myself, enough, I am ready to give up. Yet, I feel that if I do not go on, everything would be wasted.

And so I prayed. I asked if it is according to His purpose that I pursue this road? There would be less work. There would be less worries. There would be less challenge. It would be an easy way out. Yet, I think, there would be less of a life.

My prayer was answered early this morning. The hurdle was taken away. I was happy. Yet I know that a bigger hurdle has come my way. Finishing what I started would entail a lot of time, effort and money. Along the way I know that I would be so ready to give up. I would be too tired. I would be depressed. I might even think that maybe I mistook the signs. There would be misgivings.

When I was in high school and college and not having the luxury to repeat classes nor lengthen the years of my education, I have imbibed my own motto. I taught it to my brother who reminded it back to me. I remember telling him pointedly not to ask if he would finish something or not because he must finish it. Do not worry about the hurdles. Do not think about any options. There would be no ifs and buts. There is only one goal. Just finish.

God is teaching me to ask Him first whenever I pursue everything and anything. And at the same time reminding me that I need to reach after my goal with zeal. He is telling me to finish what I started. The hurdle that has caused me pain is now an eye-opener. I needed this.