Thursday, February 23, 2006

I never want to be

Life. There are things that you don’t want. There are things that you want. You reach out after those that you desire and you find all means on earth to escape from those you dislike. Until it finds you.

Someone told me once that you could try to outrun something in your life but it will always come back to you, may be worse than before, until you have learned what it is meant to teach you. Until then, it will pursue you.

And it is happening to me. All over again. Is it the second time? Third? Nope. It’s the fourth. And truly, it has become harder.

I ask myself pointlessly why. Why sometimes God causes unwanted things to happen in our lives. But why ask? I know the answer. I just need to accept. Even if it is hard. For now it has doubled or tripled its force. It brought more lessons along. Battering down each stronghold. Assaulting hindrances. Going to the center of being.

I tell myself. You are being melodramatic. This is too much.

Convince myself. It is really simple. Just allow it to be.

Trying. Each day. Hoping that it will change. But I know that it won’t. I have to wait and learn.

And trust.

1 comment:

Beng said...

What is coming back to you, Jen? This post deserves one long talk. Maybe before a movie.

Lion Chaser Manifesto

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion.

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson (www.evotional.com)