Haha....

Sometimes...

There are days that I wish that I could bring back things I have done or words that I said. There are days that I wish that I didn't think the way I did. Especially when I am in the wrong side of things. Or that is what I think.

There are times that I wish that I live in my own little world and not be concerned about anything and everything. There are moments that I wish that there are no responsibilities and I just need to think about my own.

There are periods that I yearn to open up myself and fear not the judgments or the need for explanations. There are times that I desire to retreat and just be quiet at the side. The are times that I wish I am not the one who always seemed to be so understanding and listening and instead be understood and be listened to.

There are momens that I wish that I am not who I am yet knowing that I could not go back to how I was before. There are times that I wish I could cry and not stop until there are no more tears that would drop. Times I wish I am already in the presence of God and remain there in his peace.

Yet that cannot be. Not yet.

I am here on earth. Running the race. Faltering, running out of breath. I only need to reach out for the helping hand. It is there for sure, I know. I just wish I could always have the faith to hold on to it.

A sense of justice

I know you finished more than ten years of school. I know you are an expert in your field. But could you blame me for getting really pissed? I waited more than 3 hours. I became hungry. If only I could say that this is unique but I noticed that it is a habit. I find it unjust. Like a friend has mentioned, you do not give us the respect due us. Yes, we are “just” your patients but you are getting your bread and butter from us. Good thing, there are representatives from your field that honor us. They come on time. They know time is money. Not just for you but for all of us.

A paradox. Too heavy a word. But it is the right description when you ask me to leave my bag with you that contains my most expensive tool: my beloved laptop. When on your side it is mentioned : Please do not leave your valuables. The management shall not be held liable for any losses (or something like this…). And when I asked you, you said that you would take care of the contents? It is nor your fault. You are just following orders. But then, the powers-that-be should check the soundness of their instructions. Maybe it is time to adjust them? I know their precautions are valid. But we also have a right to safeguard our treasures.

Whaaaat? P100 to plug in my laptop for one hour? But that already represents two days’ electricity for our household of 5!!! Even though we are eating at your restaurant? And the wi-fi is even free mall-wide! Where is the sense of justice in that?!! My friend Gina who is familiar with the “standard” charges that companies make told me that this is acceptable, but my blood boils considering that in a lot of coffee shops the same service is given for free. And then they charge you for an additional sauce. Good thing I had enough spare battery. Now if only the coffee shops would always remain smoke-free…

Almost a hundred times today I made calls. I wanted to confirm that the survey forms we sent reached their destinations. It could be fun. It could be informative. Some secretaries are very accommodating. There are those who offer to convey your message. Very helpful indeed. But there are those who think they are the police. And not even polite when they go about it. For example :

Me: Good afternoon. May I please speak to the secretary of Mr. So and so?
Woman: Sino to? (Who is this?)
Me: This is ___ from the ____. I would like to confirm that Mr. So and so received our fax message ….
Woman: Tungkol san? (what about?)
Me: It is about the directory of …. Are you the secretary of Mr. So and so.
Woman : Hinde. (Shouting to someone) Mharz, yung survey form daw.. blah blah blah…

Your patience would really be tested when they ask you to call in the afternoon, the next day, the following day, the succeeding day and still don’t get an answer! What’s more irksome? There are those who won’t even give the name of their bosses! But how would they obtain new business if people don’t know who to contact?

I do feel that I have a good sense of what is right and what is wrong. And I am staunch defender of what is right. But like another friend mentioned, we must be merciful. I agree. But it is just one of those days… make that two.

Sine cera

What a deep! hehehe...

Greek words that mean : to be judged in the sunlight, to know that it is without wax, that all is true.

I learned these words tonight. Sounds serious? It is. It is about having integrity. And maintaining it from the inside out.

It was a reminder. In all that we do, we must show that we walk our talk.

Ube crazy

Some friends would attest to the fact that I have been out of my mind these last few days. Some wouldn’t even recognize me. The ones who think that I am serious gal, anyway. They are those who don’t know that I could be so unwittingly witty. Funny quips were spilling out of me. I kid anyone and everyone. I laugh at big things and small things.

Hey Nio and Rache! This didn’t just start last Thursday. I have been like this since the beginning of this February. I think I know the culprit to blame. It was the delicious mouth-watering ube my office-mate brought to the office. Don’t let me start. This might never end.

I love these days though. I could be so crazily crazy.

February was a good month. A big contrast to January.

Thankful I am

"No! No different. Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned." This from the great Yoda.

Learning I am to be thankful for big things and little things.

For the decreasing blood sugar level of my father. My early mornings of blood testing and nightly medicine preparations are paying off. Now, if he would only learn not to eat a lot of forbidden fruits.

For the cute entrepreneurial cono I see whenever I go through Glorietta. Thank God for refreshing faces. :- )

For a great Swedish and Shiatsu massage on Valentine's day. I am single, yes, but better to be as such than to be with someone and miserable.

For single friends who greet you Happy Single Awareness Day or plan gimmicks together.

For articles in the ChristianityToday that help teach me to unlearn confining ideas.

For having eyes that can see, feet that can walk, and a heart that can care.

For a patient God who waits while you go through a "phase" in your life.

The Hand in control

Halfway around the world, a couple was about to embark on a trip that would change their lives. They would soon meet their future second child. But before they left, they searched the internet. They found a website of a sister church. And they sent a message to the email address they found.

Unbeknownst to them, the pastor of that church has been praying for their country for the last 12 months. Just interceding.

The couple, with their first child, arrived at their hostel and received the message left for them at the desk. In the morning, a family from the sister church fetched and brought them to the sanctuary.

For two hours, the foreigners became part of this big spiritual family. They sang. They worshipped. They prayed. Together. Despite the language barrier. Despite the differences in background, race, and features. These things don’t matter. They serve the same God. They are raising praises to the same Father.

And later, the fellowship continued on over lunch.

I do not know what the pastor was praying for specifically. I do not know what was the couple’s plan when they sent that email. I do know though that in God’s eyes, they are one family. And families take care of their own.

I do not know the next chapter of the story. I won’t speculate. I know that the God who orchestrated this unlikely connection is in control. His hand is on this earth. I am gratefully amazed.