Record and forget

Technically it was yesterday.

But it can also be today.

However, it couldn't be.

It could have been a happy celebration.

But I am commemorating something else.

As the country recalls our independence

I too will always remember that day.

Record and forget.

Thankful again...

It was still dark when I woke up. It was, in fact, the 3rd time that I opened my eyes and looked at my cellphone to check the time. Finally, 5am. Such an unholy hour but I had an appointment with friends to go jogging so I forced myself to rise and prepare. Sixty minutes later, I met them and we were welcomed by the falling rain. It could have dampened our spirits but there we were, seeking shelter under our umbrellas and walking twice around Powerplant mall. 

For the whole day yesterday, friends and I just enjoyed each other's company (halfway though, I was beginning to nod off. I can be an early riser but it doesn't mean that I can survive the whole day fully awake :) ) From a tasty and filling breakfast (see the cute pancakes I had!), to apartment-hunting and house tour, to another yummy native lunch, to a coffee-fix while discussing life and relationships, and then to a suspense-filled movie. The late afternoon was spent skimming over very helpful books at a Christian bookstore and then off to another dinner in a hotel quite near where I live.

It seemed like a long day yet it seemed short. Filled with so many activities yet it helped me. A lot. I didn't want to be alone yesterday and I wasn't. Dear dear friends, thank you so much. Thank you, Lord for such friends.

Omnium-Gatherum (Random Thoughts 7)

I love hearing stories of God's faithfulness. To be truthful, I need them. Human that I am, I tend to forget about His presence in my life whenever the storms arrive. And so I want to hear about people's stories. I breathe in their hopes and their belief. And breathe out my doubts and fears. Thank you for the stories, Lord.

= = =

A battle rages in me each time I want to share my story. Would they listen? Would they understand? Would they even be interested in whatever I learned? Most of my life, I have been a listener. A good one, I think. In the office, we sometimes joke around that I have a psychiatrist's chair. Most people feel comfortable in telling me their stories. Maybe I know how to ask the right questions. Maybe I can give objective suggestions. Or maybe because I just let them talk.

Thus, I think I have forgotten to talk. I become conscious if they have become bored, if I am eating too much of their time, if I am monopolizing the conversation, and so on and so forth. Most of the time, I don't want to impose.

So most of the time, I remain quiet. Waiting for someone to ask me how I am. In a way, I think it has become my love language. I feel that someone cares about me if they ask me how I am. And if they listen. Really listen.

Maybe all of us are like this. Just waiting.

= = =

I am now on the 834th of the 3,334 songs in my iPod. Let me change that. My brother's iPod. He was the one who left all those songs inside. Nope, I really haven't heard all those 834 songs. Because even though I have decided to listen to songs again, I still choose the kind that I want my soul to hear. Songs about love, longing, despair over a broken heart, confusion, and other such are okay. They are really part of our lives. But those that curse, malign, and disrespect other people and God get skipped over. I will not let my ears be polluted.

= = =

I guess it will never disappear. Every time I hear a similar name, a tourist destination, a local delicacy, an international drink, a bilateral agreement, a country's nationality, etc. I will always remember. Each time.

Little things

Thankful for:

- the available seat on the bus

- the little nap that refreshed me

- the text message asking me how I am

- the update that a mother is getting better

- the songs which lift my spirits

- friends who distract me

- the night rain that refreshed my mind

- the oatmeal cookie from Starbucks

- my cat who is now healed

Just thankful.

Win some, lose some

Sane moments : it's going to be okay.

Downtime : when will it end?

Great moments : great friends

Downhill : for what reason?

Faith time : God will reveal it someday

A ride

The day has definitely been a roller coaster ride. From having confidence, to feeling hurt and battered, to remaining hopeful, to being confused, to losing faith, to being angry, to being convinced, to feeling lost, and so on and so forth.

And so I take each day, even each hour, one at time. When the ride goes down, I counter them with words of prayer for other people who are hurting. When I feel the ride going up, I give thanksgiving for having won my little fights. And so the ride goes on.

I think I will have many more rides for the next few days, even weeks, and who knows, maybe even months.

I am remaining positive though. I take heart that God is refining me and I will come a better person at the end of the road.

In the meantime though, I sing this song to myself.

Lift up your hands to God (by Basil Valdez)

Life is not all that bad, my friend, hmmm 

If you believe in yourself 

If you believe there's Someone 

Who walks through life without you 

You'll never be alone 

Just learn to reach out, 

And open your heart 

Lift up hands to God, 

And He'll show you the way. 

And He said, "Cast your burdens upon Me 

Those who are heavily laden, 

Come to Me, all of you who are tired 

Of carrying heavy loads, 

For the yoke I will give you is easy 

And My burden is light, 

Come to Me and I will give you rest." 

When you feel the world 

Is tumblin' down on you, 

And you have no one 

That you can hold on to, 

Just face the rising sun 

And you'll see hope, 

And there's no need to run 

Lift up your hands to God, 

And He'll make you feel all right. 

And He said, "Cast your burdens upon Me 

Those who are heavily laden, 

Come to Me, all of you who are tired 

Of carrying heavy loads, 

For the yoke I will give you is easy 

And My burden is light, 

Come to Me and I will give you rest."

Having faith

As I look back at my life, I see how the hand of God has always guided me. Many times I was not sure where He was taking me. There were bumps on the road, untrustworthy paths, wrong turns, and many confusing signs. I shed a lot of tears, I went through pain, I was flooded with doubts.

One thing I am most thankful for. He has always drawn me closer to Him. He has never let me go.

I am writing these words, I am posting this song so that I will always this reminder. A year from today, I know that I would be completely in awe because He has always been here with me, guiding me through the grieving and healing.

I am thankful. I have faith. All will be well.

= = =

LEAD ME LORD (by Gary Valenciano)

Lead me Lord

Lead me by the hand
And make me face the rising sun
Comfort me through all the pain
That life may bring
There's no other hope
That I can lean upon
Lead me Lord Lead me all my life

Walk by me, walk by me across
The lonely road that I may face
Take my arms and let your hand
Show me the way
Show the way to live inside your heart
All my days, all my life

Refrain:

You are my light
You're the lamb upon my feet
All the time my Lord
I need You there
You are my light I (just) cannot live alone
Let me stay
By Your guiding love
All through my life
Lead me Lord

Lead me Lord Even though at times
I'd rather go alone my way
Help me take the right direction
Take Your road Lead me Lord
And never leave my side
All my days
All my life

You are my light
You're the lamb upon my feet
All the time my Lord
I need You there
You are my light I (just) cannot live alone
Let me stay By Your guiding love
All through my life

All trhough my days

Lead me, O Lord. Lead me Lord.