Real score

So many years ago… I really don’t know what the leader above me saw in me. Maybe my commitment. Maybe my desire to help. Maybe just because I was always present. But digging from my memories, I knew that there was nothing I could boast of. I was shy and quiet. I had no overflowing confidence to boost me. I did not have that quality that would make me win Miss Congeniality.

But the responsibilities that were given me changed me. I needed to be worthy of the call to lead. Not for pride, not for myself. But because I did not want to be a hypocrite. I wanted Him to be proud of me. I wanted to be able to walk my talk. I wanted my life to be a living testimony.

I learned to be conscious of what I do. I learned to think ahead. I remind myself that I am no longer doing things just for myself.

It was hard.

In the beginning, I have to admit, it was more on the outside. Within me, two forces were struggling. The call to be responsible for my actions battling with the desire to be free to do what I want.

Do I really need to be careful? Must I always be early or on-time? Do I need to be constantly present? Do I need to check my actions? What about the words I say? The friends I keep for company? The character that I show? The jokes that come from my lips? The smile that I have to keep?

God impressed to me to change from the inside out.

My life was affected. I had to be organized in order to organize others. I needed to remember things so that I could remind others. I needed to learn to calculate and schedule my time. I decided to take care of my body otherwise, if I get sick, I would let down people depending on me.

There are things I had to forego. I learned to select what it was I must and must not do. I learned to choose and to act on those choices.

It was not easy. It was a struggle. I could have insisted that I have my own life. I have my own dreams to pursue. I have my own busy life.

Leadership brought me responsibilities. Responsibilities that come with a great price, it seemed.

It seemed better to let it go. Life would be simpler. Would it really be?

Was it worth it?

Yes. For one reason : for the difference it made. In other people’s lives. And most especially, in my life.

Lest I forget, I remind myself over and over again. As I led, leadership changed me. And changing me still.

Leadership is not about demanding. It is about serving. It is not about authority. It is about humility.

Most of all, it is not about keeping others in line. It is about making me remain in line.

I just wish that others would see it this way.

Leadership is not a burden. Leadership is a blessing.