Monday, August 22, 2005

Goodbyes and regrets

I kissed my boss goodbye last Friday. Just the usual beso-beso.

I felt nothing. Or maybe I did. Sadness. For him. Not because he is leaving. But because he is departing yet no one will miss him (well, maybe just one, the only other expat who understood him). A few days even, I was so angry at him and was saying to my colleagues that I want to see him leave.

He is intelligent. He should be since he was recently promoted. He must be since he was handling a sector that requires deep understanding. I know he is.

He is kind. He could be to those whom he wants to be kind, so they say. He greets and smiles to people in the morning. He knows how to say thank you (100 points!) He doesn't shout (1,000 points!).

I learned he picks up stray cats and takes care of them. And I believe that people who can love animals have tender hearts. He promises the caretaker of his house that he will send her money until she finds another job. That shows concern. He spends a lot for his going away party, indicating that the amount is of no concern. He wants the food to last even after he is gone. That's sweet.

And yet, he can be incredibly stupid. He doesn't understand or doesn't try to understand when you explain something to him (impatient?). He emails things he wants you to do yet does not explain how he wants them done. Ask him to validate something and he will read your report and will just return it to you without making any corrections ( there should always be corrections). He doesn't tell you what is happening in your sector until he leaves for vacation. But only to make a follow-up, no explanations attached to explain the background. Not to mention little insults he directs to you.

He returns gifts (not to me, which is good!). He leaves during a surprise birthday party (before my time, and we learned from that story). He is forced to give a list of people to invite for his despedida (I am a witness to this).

I often wondered. Is he afraid of friendships or any kind of association? Why is he so detached? What is he afraid of?

Sad that he was not able to impart his knowledge. Sad that he was not able to inspire his previous and current staff. Sad that he did not make a difference in anyone's life (in the office anyway, I am sure the housetaker will miss him).

I often prayed for him. And I think I will still do so even after he has left the country. I hope he will change. I hope he will learn. Life is sad as it is. More so without attachments and friends.

Goodbyes are supposed to be sad. But this one is tinged more with regret.

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Lion Chaser Manifesto

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion.

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson (www.evotional.com)